A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Last week I injured my self which means that I can no longer participate in my team sport. I've had a horrible and painful week but nobody understands this because I have not made a fuss. I had to make a decision yesterday as to whether or not I was going to play today and I decided not to because my injury was too bad. The match went ahead and I feel very lonely and left out.The idea of not doing my sport is unbearable and I feel as if people I talk to don't understand, to the point where I just don't want to speak to people.My team won today and we never win. Yes - I'm absouletley delighted for them but it makes me feel 10x worse.It's my exam week this week and I normally use sport as a distraction from the stress. Now I'm just wallowing in self pity, pressure and stress and cannot drag myself out.What can I do to make myself feel better or at least how can I explain to people how I feel?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): Dear Anonymous,
Sorry to hear of your horrible and painful week...I hope it's a temporary situation and that in time you will be fit to join your teammates once again. Whether yes or no, the previous poster gave you an amazing answer about "real life".
You are wise beyond your years to not have made a "fuss", especially as you did feel left out and lonely. Sorry you felt that way, and I'm sure your teammates missed your presence too. They probably gave it their very best knowing you could not, which is what probably gave them the team's first victory - to honor you!
Only people who practice sport and are passionate about it, will understand how you feel when an injury forces you to be on hold. So share with your teammates who do rally around you, as I'm sure they would understand were it to happen to them.
Perhaps also do an internet search for athletes you hold dear and respect, who were placed on hold due to injury and read their websites to learn what they did, so you don't feel alone. In all sports at one time or another, a sports star has had to watch from the sidelines due to injury...
Some years ago, I used to compete in long distance bicycle races in my country. I loved it so much - being outdoors, meeting new people at races, feeling fit and healthy, the freedom, the beauty of nature, all of it... then I got sick one day, and was forced to be indoors for about 3 weeks. There stood my bicycle, my "best friend" waiting for me. What did I learn during this period? To VALUE THE PEOPLE THAT MATTER MOST TO US. Why? because when you are sick or in hospital, it's not our "bicycle" or our "sport" that is there for us, it's our family and best friends. So only after did I realise what a blessing that downtime actually was. It made me re-focus, re-evaluate my life, set balanced goals, and keep everything in perspective.
At your age, you just want to enjoy life and your sport - and I'm sure soon you will heal and can join your team again. In the meantime, use this time to think about who matters to you, who is there for you, and appreciate them. Use this downtime to call them or talk to them, about anything and everything. Share how you feel and allow those that understand, to be there for YOU.
As the previous poster also shared, use this extra time to study more, and do better without the distraction and commitment at your sport for now.
This too shall pass, but it is hard and you are valid in feeling how you do. Let others comfort you as they know best, remember, many don't know what to do or say if they can't relate, but they still want to be there for you - allow them.
Try and find biographies/books/articles on people who have overcome adversity, so you are inspired by them and motivated to continue, and to study well and get through this difficult time.
Wishing you a speedy recovery and much happiness!
xxxx E
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): ModNote: This is such a GOOD answer that I wish it was not Anonymous so the Person who posted this answer could be congratulated. Well put. "What can I do to make myself feel better . . ."Congratulate yourself, and deservedly so, for contributing to your team's win by not publicly feeling sorry for yourself, allowing your teammates to continue to focus on their successful preparation for the win. Be assured your teammates are very much aware you put your team and your teammates' interests before your own, and likely used your injury-related absence and unselfish response as incentive and inspiration to rally together and each teammate worked that much harder individually for the team's benefit.Good teammates always deflect attention away from themselves towards their teams, bad teammates always deflect attention away from their teams towards themselves.Good teammates do whatever they can to help their team win any given match, and since you couldn't play, you stepped back and let your teammates do whatever they could during the match. "It's my exam week this week and I normally use sport as a distraction from the stress. Now I'm just wallowing in self pity, pressure and stress and cannot drag myself out."Use exam week as a distraction from your injury. Focus the energy you would have used on the playing field towards your exams, and raise your expectations accordingly. You shouldn't do as well as you usually do, you should do better given the unexpected (if unwanted) extra study time."How can I explain to people how I feel?" No need. Your teammates know how you feel because they'd feel exactly the same way if it was any one of them instead of you. They were probably very surprised you kept quiet as they knew they's all be crying "woe is me" loudly enough for all to hear. That's why they rallied around your example and spirit; they appreciated your sacrifice and they're the only ones who count.The good people in your life know how you feel, no point in trying to explain to anyone else. They wouldn't listen.Real life through you an unexpected curveball (that's why they call it "real life") and you rose to the unexpected challenge admirably and courageously. Most 40-year-olds haven't learned that lesson.""What can I do to make myself feel better . . ."Know you did the right thing for your team and teammates, and also know very few (if any) teammates would have done the same this time as early teens, but when faced with a similar crisis at age 18 or 21 or 35 or 50 or 87 they will know to follow their teammates example, because you all will remain teammates long after your days of playing sports are well behind you. What you should learn is that you can't make anybody know or care about how you "feel." What you have accomplished is making your teammates feel differently about themselves. I'm very sorry you had to be on the sidelines, you have experienced a loss and I can't let that go unacknowledged. Must have been killing you inside not to be out there with your teammates. I do hope your doctor has not ruled out the possibility of playing sports again after recovery and rehab. Unfortunately unexpected losses are part of real life (that's why they call it "real life"), and those who succeed in life are those who overcome adversity.
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