A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend almost two years now. At first, I couldn't get my hands off her as had been the case with any woman I liked and dated before her. But after time passed, I couldn't have sex with her. I mean I could get it up and do the act but my thoughts weren't as they were before. I keep thinking how delicate she is and how I must respect her and treat her as a complete lady. I don't understand what has changed. I don't even like it when she talks dirty to me. I simply stay quiet or say something for her to stop without hurting her feelings. I didn't have this sort of problem with any woman before. I'd treat them how I pleased but with my girlfriend I just can't. She's asked if I don't find her as attractive anymore because of the lack of sex but it's not that. She's beautiful and I do everything to try and make her happy but when it comes to sex, she's like this virtuous doll that I must keep untouched. Unless she physically starts turning me on without giving up, then I can't even shag her silly. I treat her with the greatest care I can. Please explain to me what has happened. I fear I will lose my girlfriend. I can't explain myself to her because I myself don't understand what has changed. She thinks I don't desire her anymore but I do I just don't know why I can't act on it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): I don't really think that you don't have sex with her because of some weird respect you have for her and her delicate nature.
Whati think is happening you are tired of fucking her, as simple as that.
You lost an attraction toward her though you understand mentally that sheis beatifull.
Unfortunatelly, what's lost is lost. If you guys at your age are not having sex it's not going to happen when you are 40.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 If you haven't notice it, aunts on Dear Cupid are more on the sex side than on the love side.What the two "aunts' said just below may be the correct answers to your question(s) and I do assure you they always give good advices, they are two very experienced men and what they tell is undoubtedly to be seriously considered.Yet, may I point out there is another hypothesis that has to be considered too: you are in LOVE. Yes, the real one, this rare love that makes you WEAK, that makes you strong, that needs nothing in return just the fact your cherish one stands beside you. Before you found love, you just played with women crotches, so sexually speaking you was at your optimum. At best, your girlfriends were more play mates than a treasure for your soul.And suddenly, you found the ONE. The ones who never did, don't even know what it is like, because it's unbelievable for them to be with a woman without expecting something sexually from her (according to plenty of them, a very active sexual life is the very foundation of a healthy couple, yet how many OP tell us tens time a week they had "an outstanding sex life" before being cheated on or suddenly dumped ?!!!).My advice: enjoy that special time because it will be your compass for the rest of your life if you end up living with your current girlfriend. But overall don't forget telling her how you feel for her, because she has to know precisely why you're acting "strangely" now with her. It's not a question of disinterest, but a question of true LOVE. Hope she will share the same feeling for you.BONUS: there are three songs about love that have to be listened to, because us guys have a heart too:1) It's only love: http://youtu.be/fIVx2dbWzvY2) The ONE: http://youtu.be/sVaRHJn_dgM3) The Power of love: http://youtu.be/pJdzNyG86fs
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): You are idolizing her and placing her up on a pedestal as an object of perfection.
You don't view her as a normal and loving human being. Just a thing of beauty. Meant for admiration and worship. Not worthy of affection and intimacy. You want nothing to blemish her doll-like imagery.
The problem is all in your head. You have a poor opinion of sex and what it means. It's something dirty and nasty to you.
Sex only appeals to you when you look at it in an unclean way. So when your girlfriend shows her sexy side, it destroys your image of wholesomeness and perfection.
You really need to get a grip, dude!
This is usually the result of your conditioning as you grew up. Your parents must have had a very conservative and suppressed attitude toward sex. Maybe even very religious. Sex is only for procreation and it is otherwise dirty. Even masturbation was considered sick and deviant behavior. So it was something secretive and shameful. You grew up and lived a sexually permissive life-style, but only for yourself. Not for the women in your life. That is, not for those you have real feelings for.
Your attitude toward sex with a nice woman; interprets her sensual side as cheap and impure. You are now in that mode that you are searching for purity in order to settle down.
Because you want to settle down, and you are scrutinizing women too harshly. You are setting criteria in your mind for what you would consider a keeper. When she acts out in a sensual way, your conditioning comes into play; and suddenly she is behaving less than the angelic creature you expect her to be.
You really would benefit from some counseling or light therapy to overcome this attitude. You think sexy women are cheap and impure. Sexiness degrades them in someway.
That is sexist and bordering on a misogynistic attitude toward females. If they get sexually aggressive,you can't have sex with them anymore. You feel only men should be sexually dominating; and women should just be sweet and submissive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): It's nothing to do with real respect, just some weird notion in your brain that sex is somehow disrespectful. My feeling is you're just making excuses though, OP and really just aren't interested in her anymore. It sounds to me like you view her more like a best friend than a lover.
OP you're not treating her like a complete lady nor are you respecting her because a lady needs to be fucked. They need to be thrown on the bed and ravaged. I think you're trying to convince yourself it's just a respect thing and you want to view her as pure but is in fact just that you don't see her as a sexual person anymore and more as a friend.
Now it's either that or you have a very warped view of sex and sexuality, a kind of madonna/whore complex. Maybe you just can't shag women you respect and only women you don't really care that much about. You see for most of us, women included, we can look at the person we love and want to fuck them, we understand that true respect is wanting to be that physically close to them. Maybe you were raised religious or your parents gave you a very oppressive upbringing as regards sexuality, or maybe you have some mommy issues and are too protective of the women you really love.
You need to get that back. OP feminists love to moan and complain about objectification of women, but one part of what makes a relationship great is that we can see our partners as a body we want to bone. I love everything about my wife, but sometimes all I see is a lovely pair of tits and an ass I want to smack. Maybe you lose that when you fall in love, well it's time to get that back. Time to ignore the woman inside the body from time to time and just see an object you want to bone, taste, get sweaty with etc.
It's certainly time to get rid of the idea of purity, virtue etc being linked to sex because they're not.
Either way OP, you need to perform while you figure this out. You say you can get an erection, so keep having sex, eating her out and keep her satisfied while you figure this out. You will lose her if you don't, and frankly she shouldn't suffer for some mental block you have when you're still capable of performing the act. I mean it's not like you don't want to is it? Because if it is, then I'm right and you only view her in a platonic way now. You see I have heard of your problem before but never from a guy who had no problem having sex with that woman before. I've known guys too respectful to be very forward sexually but I haven't heard of a person all of a sudden losing it in the middle of what was a very sexual relationship. I think you just don't see her that way anymore.
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