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female
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anonymous
writes: Ive been married now for about, going on 7 years now and our love life, I have to say, sucks!I was wondering if there is anything I can do to spice things up a bit? My husband is a pretty modern, or simple man and can be a little boring when it comes to sex. I'm sorry and I feel guilty for saying that. It's cause he never wants to have sex or try new things in bed, and we only have sex, (if I'm lucky) once a month!!! Sex isn't just anything if that's what you're thinking...we don't communicate as often as we used to anymore. I've tried talking to him about this and he says that we're getting too old (which is so not true! far from it!!!) to be spontaneous and that he has his mind on other things (always is worrying about something).I tell him that we shouldn't let our worries get between us and that we should enjoy ourselves more and go out together more often to relieve ourselves from everything. I've tried to relieve him by giving him a massage, running the bath, cater to his every needs after work, and more, just to make him feel at ease and not be so tense all the time. He says that he appreciates everything that I do for him and that he loves me very much, but that he can't help but worry all the time about everything. Does anybody out there have the same problem as I do? Is this normal? I don't know, maybe he's just going through a phase right now. What can I do to spice up our relationship in every way!!!?
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (10 June 2006):
 Here are the answers you need. They work better with the help of couples counselling to get it really worked out.
Men are usually so ashamed of speaking up about low sexual desire, because it violates their own sense of masculinity. But low desire in men is America's best-kept secret, and it affects at least 20 to 25% of adult males.
Low sex drive for men often has little to do with stress, hormones or biology and a lot to do with the women in their lives. Men today, often enough, are angry at their wives.
Many wives are so critical of their husbands that they hurts their husband's feelings. It feels to him as if the wife finds fault in everything that he does and that leads to him not wanting to be anywhere near her.
In theory women are equipped with the language to ask for change. But they don't instead, they bitch. They don't express appreciation for what their husbands see as their own contribution of hard work to the family. And it's emasculating.
For most people, desire doesn't just happen by itself. The way to get people moving is to take action. Stop nagging! Instead of saying "You never want to have sex." say things like "I'd really enjoy sex with you," or "I really enjoy when you (insert sexual description)to me, it makes me (insert description),". Use this idea in all areas of communication with your husband. This works best with a counselor to help you through it.
Good LUCK!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): I have the exact same prob! Mine is to do with his low sex drive which is to do with a stressful life and age. I wish I had advice but I don't! I'm still trying to find an answer myself! All I can say is you're not alone girl! I hope that you find the answer you need and if I do first I'll let you know!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): Ok. Well, I know its not his age (he's about to turn 30! for crying out loud!) and I know for a fact that he's not gay! I know that he's not having an affair because he's open with everything and I know and watch his every move. I really need his love and affection. I get very little of that. He says that only young people or immature people do spontaneous things and that we are too mature or like he calls it old to be doing things like that. I know that he's phisically atracted to me still because he makes comments like "you still have the body that you had when you were 18" and that he's very lucky to have someone as beautiful as me, but when I talk to him about us he says that he's just too tired to do or even think about doing fun things or have sex! I dont think its a medical problem because we're young. And no, an affair is out of the question! I may be a very open and creative person when it comes to things like this, but Im a lady and I want a man (my husband) to be the one to have me. I love and respect myself enough to not do such a thing with another man who only cares about sex and who doesnt care about me. Could anyone out there PLEASE give some good advice that worked for them in my situation. Thanks!
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (4 June 2006):
Whilst the symptoms of the problem are that you are not having much sex, it is unclear what the cause it - your husband says he worries about everything all the time.
What is he worrying about? Why is he worrying about it? What is he planning to do to stop himself worrying and start enjoying his life? Try asking him patiently about these things, and maybe he could consider going to a counsellor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): have an affair love i would he will soon see u r more active than he thinks u r and u wil have it more often
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (4 June 2006):
Plenty of relationships sexual activity drops as low as yours but there is usually a reason behind it, and there are many reasons why this happens. Just because it happens often doesn't mean it is normal.
He could have a medical issue and not even know or want to admit to it. This can be remedied by getting him to a doctor and checked out. There are many options for medical problems some as simple as targeted exercises.
His sex drive could have plummeted because of age, or stress and a little pill can fix that.
He could be 'jacking off' or relieving himself without including you.
And the one everyone dreads is he could be having an affair. Yet the worse for a marriage is he could be gay and not attracted to you in that way but wants to be married.
I am sorry to say there is nothing you can do to fix this or make him more sexual, if he won't talk about it.
Your best tool to spice up your sex life now is to find out the root of the problem and tackle it. After that it sounds like you're a creative person and won't need any advice for bedroom activities.
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