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female
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anonymous
writes: How can I break up with my fiance? We're both 50, he's somewhat old-fashioned, conservative, and intolerant. My 3 teens annoy him (as most teens do) and they aren't that crazy about him. He's quite controlling, negative, and thinks highly of himself. We've been planning our new life: buying a house, furniture, etc. He's really glad to be getting married and talks about me as his future wife all the time, but lately I feel a cloud has lifted off my eyes and don't really relish living the rest of my older life with this sort of personality. What do I say?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Read the book "Why does he do that?- Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" By Lundy Bancroft. I can recommend it. It will explain why he is controlling, negative and thinks highly of himself.I think there is perhaps a reason why you have not talked to him about this already. Often trying to discuss things with a controlling man gets you nowhere, or even in a worse position than before.I am a great advocate for counselling, but, as the book explains, manipulative and controlling men will often fake progress under these circumstances, so be aware of this.One thing in my mind is sure, no-one should marry someone they don't want to marry.
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (16 November 2005):
 I am not sure if you have spoken to him at all about this, but you may find that if you open up to him he may be willing to change his tune a bit if he knows his attitude is ruining your chance at happiness together. It would not be unresonable for you to request some pre-marital counseling before your wedding in order to determine if you are compatable. If, however, you are sure that this is something you can't do, then you pack your bags and get out of there. Unless, ofcourse the house is in your name then he has to go. Neither of you will benefit from prolonging the engagement if you are not happy. Go to him and explain your situation try to be unconfrontational as to not put him on the defensive but let him know your conserns and that you feel like a marriage at this time would be detrimental for both of you.
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