A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll try and keep it short i will welcome any advice please:(im 19 he's 20, iv developed OCD the past few months and its kinda had a bad effect on my relationshipas iv had a bad past and have trust issues iv been accusing him the past few months although it is a far distant relationship, we've been together for a year and a few months. he proposed to me a few months back. About 5 months ago he got this grocery shop. he's been really stressed out with family problems and with the shop as he works from 8 in the morning till 9 pm 7 days a week. I understand iv been a bit of a nag these past months and iv been stressing him out and my paranoia doesn't help, i have no reason not to trust him but this OCD has really affected me.Now he told me that he doesn't want a relationship atm he says have faith in be or be patient he just needs some space to sort his problems out but I'm confused or is he trying to get rid of me??i ask is there someone else? i always ask that and he doesn't get defensive even tho his been putting up with my accusations for so long but he says no there no one he doesn't talk to anyone he doesn't want a relationship because his too stressed. My mum says leave him till he comes to you I'm not sure. he says he loves me so much and he does want to be with me share his life with me but in another way i stress him too much because I'm always calling and going on and on apparently I'm nagging all the time. We agree to have some space but it never works because i cant last a day or 2 without contacting him, now he tells me he is fed up of my crap always accusing him, he says i want the girl i met not this girl. how am i suppose to react? so i cried and cried and ran after him but its like he takes advantage because he thinks I'm always goona be there or that i wont last a day or 2 without him so his treating me like crap. he doesn't swear at me he shouts and acts like he doesn't care. i know his an impatient person i know that he doesn't mean to hurt me but it never lasted this long i never used to run after or say sorry or cry for him it used to be the other way round. I really don't wana be heart broken. were both Muslim and he swears to God there's no one else that he loves me every time i ask were religious but not too too strict we pray etc. But i don't know what to do, should i act like i don't care so he chases after me so it scares him and he thinks he lost me ? please help me. I mean his friends know about me, some of his family members etc .any help would really be appreciatedi got to the point where i had to tell my mum, i haven't called him in a day and a half already and it feels like 2 weeks I'm dying here and he hasn't called.one more thing after he told me he doesn't want a relationship at the moment his telling me he will call every 2 days and i said why and his like because i miss you, but he hasn't called its like doesn't care then when i say i need someone who will look after me his like ill look after you, its like when his stressed he doesn't no what his saying or thinking .. please help because i feel so anxious, depressed i don't eat i don't sleep i cant handle this anymore.He hasn't bothered to call i honestly feel his love is gone for me, when i was so good to him, he use to chase me now its like i chase him. I don't know if his talking to someone else on the phone because 2 days ago i called and it went to voice mail so i thought his phone is off but the my phone lets me know when people receive text messages and his phone received it, my phone wouldn't let me know that he received it if it was off. Please, I'm breaking down into bad depression i can't sleep i don't know how i can live without this person.
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female
reader, brittanybucket  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 I understand feeling like you have done things to push him away, but please remember: no one is worth all of your happiness. I felt the same way when my ex-boyfriend dumped me and told me that I drove him away with my constant need of reassurance (which is my version of your paranoia and trust issues). What you can do to feel better is love yourself. I know it's hard and sounds pretty dumb, but ultimately, that is what you have to lean on. If he does love you, he will tough it out and understand that everyone goes through these times, but if he doesn't stay loyal and understanding, he isn't worth it anyways. Sometimes what you need is to be there for yourself. Try to pick yourself up, I'm sure there are many good things in your life and about yourself that you can focus on :)
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