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*oney62002
writes: Hello,I'm so down and don't know what to do. I have never handled breakups well but recently my boyfriend of a year and a half finished with me and told me he didn't want to work at 'us' anymore because we just argued too much.It's true we did argue, but I always felt sure he would come back and work at it alongside me, because we had in the past. He has problems sorting things out and most of the time did not want to talk about issues so we brushed them under the carpet.He was a 19 year old virgin when I met him and I'm now 22. I've had more experience than him and tried to work with his lack of experience. Problem is after all the time I spent with him, he lost his erection whenever I initiated sex and this made issues in my head. We did have talks about it but I just tried to push it to the back of my mind too as he is an extremely romantic and giving person and it made up for the problems.Anyway I came home from my holiday with family, so excited to see him and that night was wonderful but the following morning I initiated sex again and he started then just as it was getting going said it was 'sore' down below. I tried to handle the situation maturely but he got up and stormed out, so I let him go. (He often has tantrums like this, but calms down and comes back)Anyway he didn't call me or text and so I started ringing and he doesn't want our relationship anymore, as we argue too much and he feels I don't love him enough. I'm such a wreck, I miss him like crazy and can't believe after all the arguments before he just decided this was the end. He only said to me the previous night he wanted to marry me :-( so confused. I've practically begged him back and he says he doesn't know what he wants anymore...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): Yeah guys say stuff sometimes like they love you or want to marry you and then they leave. Just like that.
I guess I am going through the same thing you are. My bf and I were talking about marriage and we even looked at rings and a few days later he left me after an argument.
What is worse is that it has been almost two months. And he rarely ever calls. I still talk to him but it is because I call him.
But please stop begging him ok? And try to relax. Just take a hot bath, turn on some music and have a glass of wine. He is not going to go away. He is still going to be there tomorrow and the day after. So just give him a break for right now. And think this through first.
Right now, he feels like you are trying to control him. And your problem is that you feel like you have to be in control. And the thought of losing control of a situation makes you very uneasy and so you argue and unleash your anger in unpositive ways. This might have drove him away and certainly made him feel like you didn't love and accept him. But now that he has left, you have lost control of another situation and as you can't stand the thought of that, you are panicking and calling him like mad and begging for his return so that you can feel in control again.
I have been there. If you are anything like me, I know you can get over this control issue. And I know how hard it is to overcome. But right now the biggest problem is not that he left but it is that you are too controlling.
I told you my own situation so that you could see that you are not alone. And if it would help then I also want to tell you that I am just fine without him. It hurts and I cry and I am a very jaded but I have made a decision to stop trying to control others and instead I am trying to only control myself. I am not going to call him anymore. I am not going to freak out. And certainly if he wants to not be with me, then I am going to let him be, cause I can't control him, and I have no other choice but to be happy without him. That is the only thing I can control. My own life.
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female
reader, prissy_162002  +, writes (22 August 2007):
I am going though mostly the same thing...my man left me and we were together 6 years and some months. I was 15 when we meet...U are not alone...I will pray 4 U.
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