A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I've practically been disowned by my family. You would think that I did something horrible, and in their eyes I did. The reality of it...I cussed. Now let me explain, I only ever use profanity with close friends, the ones I know don't care. Also, I rarely use profanity in general, only when I'm really mad and need to find some way to get my anger out. I admit, it's not the best way, but there are a lot worse things I could do. Long story on how my mom found out, but she did. I am nineteen years old, I didn't think it was such a horrible thing. She says that I have ruined my life and all this stuff that I didn't think was true. Any advice for me? How can I get my mom to understand me? I rarely cuss, and she does too, when she is really mad or gets hurt. I do the very same thing she does, but since I am her child, she won't look at it from my point of veiw. Please help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): There's got to be an issue here that goes deeper than the use of impolite language. Perhaps they're threatened by you getting older and acting less like them, so they're jerking your chain a little to keep you in line (though they might not understand that themselves). Perhaps they're unhappy with the company you keep. Or perhaps they're scape-goating you to avoid addressing some other issue in the family (think about it: attacking a minor issue with zeal feels far more productive than worrying over a major but intractable issue). I don't know, but it sounds like a MacGuffin--an empty/meaningless non-issue that is setting other forces into motion and thickening the plot. We'd need to know more. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): And the fact that you haven't done anything drastic, shows that you are quite a decent girl...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): May be your family has set way too rigid and high standards for people whom they can accept as theirs.. and compromise / forgiving are terms that are unheard of. May be they fear that you will repeat the same mistake again if they forgive you and try to pressurize you for not making no mistakes. But ultimately the frustration gets hard on to you and may be you end up doing exactly what they fear. I would sympathize with you as whatever you did may not be intentional but under the influence of / pressure of some irrational parental fears...
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Try and talk to her, or maybe another family member. Don't give in as nothing you have done is wrong. Apologise for whatever it is you said and hopefully your mum will back down eventually.
Good luck xxxxxx
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