A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i was wondering can any one help me .i am 29 years old and i have never had a boyfriend. i never even got my first kiss. i don't know and everyone else does. all but me.every guy i like rather someone else and never me.they reject me in the coldest of ways.i am very shy, quiet, nervous, low self esteem because all the rejection guys gave me, not loud or full of my self, unlike the guys who i like, who like to drink lot and party and pick up girls at any available moment.guys like that have no time for likes of me. they rather good looking girls who are slim and tall. it looks like i'll never have a boyfriend. its too hard, way too hard, i am overweight, short, with round fat face , what the worse thing is guys who rejected me find girlfriends. and me nobody wants.
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never had a boyfriend, overweight, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, visiting  +, writes (28 July 2011):
Hello, I'm in the same predicament. Over over 24 and never had a boyfriend. I am indeed overweight, shy, and tall. You have two choices, lose the weight and expand your options or date guys like you. Try starting with the later. Who knows you might meet someone you truly like. That's a fact of life. Everyone actracts what they are. People rarely find that supermodel boyfriend/girlfriend of their dreams. When I was in highschool, I couldn't get a date. Not so much because I wasn't attracting people ( although my pickings were still slim) I wasn't attracting the people I wanted. Don't settle for guy who are jerks and loser. But if you find a guy who just so happens to be overweight but he's smells good, is nice, likes you and treats you right, go out on a date with him. You gotta get in where you fit in. Even the pretty chicks date ugly men.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): Don't feel ashamed. I'm 27 years old girl, and i have never
had sex too. It's not about looks really. I'm really a beautiful girl. It's just when a guy comes close to me i get scared. I second guess myself if he's the one.I want to be married before i have sex. I know i shouldn't be giving advice.Just be patient.Is there medical help for Vaginimus.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Your choice Irish, if being like this forever suits you and makes you happy, then who am I to intrude. If it makes you happy to give up hope and stay like this, then don't worry, because your doing something that makes you happy and your getting some fun out of life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): orginal post:
i won,t ever move on if any thing i,ll avoiding things from now on,i don,t wnat to move on there is no point.the builles won and i lost like always .the bullies will always win and the jerks too,i,ll never recoperat at this atage of life its too far down.i might well settle in to having nothing and being nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): I wish you a more positive new year Irish... but your an adult, you want to be left alone.. I understand that, well you got tons of suggestions when your ready, I guess you'll choose to move forward in life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): try looking in your local churches?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): orginal post:
nothing in this earth is going help.thanks for trying.
life is very unfair there is nothing i can do about it.
i don,t to bother any more i am just wasting my time.i know you trying but you can,t.the damage is done and its too late.
look i don,t want a boyfreind any more ok.and i don,t wnat to be happy.now at this stage.i don,t to bother with blokes any more they see me as waste of time.there is no point they will always rather some one to me .so now i rather never have to have a boyfreind and not to be kiseed.i won,t miss someting i never had and never will have. my ma atrreaction for jerks who treated me like dirt.
and thoses guys will treated another girl who is fancies and wants a girlfreind to best treatmenet money can buy and all the love and affection that can take.i just get in his way i am told fuck off.
i can,t bare guys any more and i want no more to do with them.they treated me very cold. at least i,ll down histort as pathectic sad old maid. who getting a boyfriend if she paid one.
thanks any way.but all the advice and lectures are great .nnut you should spend you time on some eles instead of sad case like me.
just don,t any more of you time ok .
the last guy who damage had permant effect on me. and now he gots what he wanted a goodlooking slim tallprobaby younger then me too girlfreind what a guy always wanted. he did the damage he doesn,t have to pay any price and now he happy . its the like of me who has to pay and suffer on.good thing happen to nasty people that how it is and how it always is.
i rather give up on the idea of boyfreind and kiss .guy wouldn,t kiss when he drunk don,t mind sober.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): orginal post
thanks for all the advice but it won,t help.the damage has been to me and there is no going back.just me suffer in sileance.i am not going no where and i am never going to happy.the guys who rejected are happy like always they got new girlfreinds and its up set that girls fall for these jerk all they wnat to is notch the numbers,so they have something to boost about.i am really hurt that the kunt who rejected me has found himself girlfreind who didn,t rejcted him and he trateds her right.me i deserve no body may be it becasue i am piseces of dirt may be i deserve bad treatment.i don,t see why jerk like him has to be happy and gets a girlfreind and goes to partys . and he was the one teated me like dirt and gets away with it.i am rejected who gets nothing but to end up old and alone and unwanted thats is my reward for doing nothing wrong to no body . that is my reward nothing ,ok.
and i am never going to get out of nighmare unless its in pine box with headstone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Irish babes, we've been talking for a little while now. You've had expert suggestions from some of our best aunts and still your unhappy, nothing seems to touch you. You can't feel the love, the concern and the deep, deep worry that many of the aunts on Dear Cupid have for you. I told you a while back, that if we didn't care we wouldn't bother. Some answers only get 2 or 3 responses, but every time you write to us, at least 8 to 10 people answer back. Doesn't that show you how important you are, don't you believe we care. I've been following you around these boards, trying so hard to say something to help, to say something to make you realise how important you are and how many people care about you. Remember we are strangers, but we want to help, we know how much happiness and love are waiting for you in life if you could only believe, trust us and reach out and grab it.
I want you to do something, I want you to take a little test, so I can see where you are in your life. You take the test in private, and then please come back and give me the score.. Here's the website. Please answer the questions, check the score and then tell me what it is..
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/interactivetests/goldberg.php
The second thing I want you to do, is come and talk to me in private mail. It's a button at the top of you screen. You press the button then me and you start talking in secret. It's just between me and you. You can tell me everything, I don't judge, I don't' know you.. I just want to help baby, for the last couple of days I've been following your posts and your breaking my heart... Lets talk just me and you. I don't often ask, but you.. well, I think your worth it. Your in a bad place, your so sad and low, and me and the other aunts want you to climb out, we want you to see sunshine, we want you too look beautiful, we want you to fall in love and we believe you can do it.
click on my private mail button, register first and give yourself a stupid name. Your in a bad place babes, I understand, I've been there, I've tasted the rotten fruit of disappointment and rejection, many of us have. But your not getting better, no matter how many of us talk to you, no matter how hard we try. I'm getting worried about you now, I need you to help me to try to help you.. easy, just a couple of things that you can do to help yourself.
First you register with this board, so me and you can talk properly.. You can call yourself what you want, but to me you'll always be my sad, beautiful eyed Irish. Then you take the test and tell me the score.. Finally if you want to, we talk privately.. We work together, just me and you, we see what you can do, we see where you are, we look at what you want and we work together to make sense of it all..
Irish, you know that every time you appear I pop up, that's because I'm starting to care about you a lot. You can't hide from me.. Your 26-29, I'm 39.... My heartbreaks when I hear how much sadness you have in your world. It's not right, when I was your age, I was laughing so much.
ease take the test, register and come and talk to me... the last 29years have been shit, I want that to end. I want you to start smiling and find some happiness for the new year..
An offer of friendship, I'm waiting, but if you prefer I can continue to follow you around the board...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): orginal poster:
i don,t want a mreisable shallow boyfreind any more.i live in small shit town i can,t leave it.i can,t get job .i have no freinds.i have no car .no social life the town i live is more housing estate .i am still living at home probaby till i die.i am middle child and my mother is always crtizing me and my da used always call me stupid.i was builled all my so called life.i am on 6 th counsellor in 20 yaers. guys i like treated me like pisese of dirt.i never a boyfreind never being kissed never cared about.i hate living at home.no guy was ever nice to me i never went on a date in my life and never will.i ahve no indepdence i can,t think for my self any more.
my critzing my cv.i send out my cv to 62 places in the city with no reply my only ticket to life of my own.
i never went on single date in my life i have never being asked out.not once, guys treated all other gils like royality never belittle them like they do me,
you have idea what life is like for me.
god cursed me to life of miseably and lonness.
my favorite 2 stories are the ugly duckling who ever one one builled but became beautiful and very body like her,
i am still ugly duckling fat and grossly ugly,short, and guys traeted me as if i had a disease.and being rotten to me.
i don,t enjoy in life at all.i was never happy. and no ever has ever shown me affection and treated me nice like they do other girls.
i didn,t not choose to be lonely or to be unwanted .
i likes guys i relay do and i am always nice to them.but they treated me like dirt and never ask me out .they rather ask out some trashy tramp in nightclub and aske her out andtell all his freinds about his new girlfriend and who treated well and bring her to nice places and buys her thing becasue he like her from what i see its all what they guys what they get.and girl like me can go to hell in hand basket . but i get trated like dirt,
so don,t give me hard time.about that i was telling you about because he no angel so stop making out he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): thnaks for all the advice but i don,t wnt a boyfreind any more.any guy i liked riped my heart a part and i am tired of reapair it.alot poeple are on there own.i,ll be single and alone like i am suppose thanks.
boyfriend isn,t for me and i rather leave the subject.
i don,t want a boyfreind any more .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Hi Irish, we haven't moved very far. Your still overweight, single and shy. Your still crying because the slim, loud outgoing guys like slim, loud outgoing girls. You like a certain type of guy, and they are exactly like you, they are attracted to the same qualities that you are. What are you going to do, are you going to come here ever day saying the same thing. We've given you tons of suggestions, but you refuse to change, you refuse to do anything to make your life different. Your 29 now, soon you'll be 30years old. How long before you stop crying about what you can't get and start doing things to get what you can. What's wrong with finding a shy overweight guy, what's wrong with them?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): This one is really tough.
The problem is not the shape that you are, but whether you are are happy with the way you are.
A big woman who is self-confident, happy with her shape and is fun - well, most men would go for a girl like that.
But, if you hate yourself then why should someone else like you.
You've got to decide. Love yourself as you are - and show it; or change yourself into something that you are happy with.
Tough love.
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Aww no way, don't put yourself down. It's true that some guys like confident girls, but I know plenty of very shy girls and they have their fair share of admirers.
However if you carry on feeling bad, you won't exactly radiate positive vibes. I know you can't just put yourself into a good mood, but try to be positive. Honestly. Focus on your good points.
I have an incredibly shy friend who has huge self-esteem issues. She is quite overwieght and doesn't attempt to look sexy. But that doesn't mean guys never find her attractive - just the other day we were all at the pub and a hot guy came over and she was the only one he payed any attention too, but you could tell she was completely oblivious. Which of course did her no favours.
Next time you meet a guy you like, don't think "Oh my god, he must find me unattractive because I'm overwieght etc", think to yourself all the possible signs he's showing that he DOES find you attractive. Somehow this sometimes seems to subconsciously convince people that they DO find you hot. Once they get past your shyness I'm sure they'll be flocking.
Honestly. Put on a brave face and have a laugh with some guys. You might be surprised :)
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female
reader, deirdre +, writes (2 December 2008):
I think perhaps counselling might help you understand that its not all about looks 7 that you are not fat or ugly, a proper man will like you just the way you are. xx
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Low self-esteem is a turn off for men more than being overweight. I agree with the others. Get in shape and you will have more self confidence. I have a problem being shy too and I guess men tend to feel more comfortable with women who express themselves freely.
If you don't feel good about yourself, others sense that and don't respond positively about that. If you depend on others to give you a good feeling about yourself, you will always need someone to give you those feelings. Get in shape and stop comparing yourself to others. That's where the inferior feelings come from.
I know it is very difficult to figure out how to like ourselves, but it isn't impossible. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2008):
 If you don't like being over-weight then do something about it. Your self-esteem will get a boost and so will your health, besides it will keep you occupied while you wait to meet Mr. Right at the gym or health food store.
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (1 December 2008):
 People often judge one another based on appearance. It sucks, but that's how things are--until they know something about you, appearance IS all they have to judge on. If you are meeting these guys in a setting where you never start a real conversation with them, i.e. bars or parties, they will judge you on your looks and not think twice about it. I'd suggest trying to strike up friendly relationships--that could later turn into something more--with guys you are more likely to interact with on a daily basis. That way they can judge you on who you are inside as well as who you are on the outside.
This may sound a little harsh, and for that I apologize, but it's true: being overweight is an unhealthy condition and with the beauty standards of today, the extra weight WILL almost certainly affect your confidence. You identify your weight as a problem: the next step is not just to resign yourself to it but rather to take action to change this aspect you don't like about yourself. Change your eating and exercise habits if need be...even walking a half an hour a day will help! Don't think of it as something you are doing for guys...think of it as something you are doing for YOU and your self-confidence. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): What kind of hobbies do you have? maybe you could join a club and do something that you like, its a great way to meet new people and build your confidence up. guys who only go for the slim girls - who probably starve themselves just to be stick thin (which is not attractive at all in my opinion) - are just shallow and obviously dont appreciate a more womanly body. even though im into guys i think woman with a bit of fat and curves on them are a lot sexier than woman who are really thin.in any case, a relationship shouldnt be about looks but about peoples personalities.If your not happy with your body why not start doing a little exercise, it will help loose weight if thats what you want and at the same time tone your body. maybe go out with your friends at the weekend, not neccassarily to a party.. but dress up nicely and a bit of make up, not too much and keep it natural. also think about your posture, you'd be surprised how much you can tell about person just by looking at their posture - act confident, even if you dont exactly feel it. Hope this helps you a little.feel free to message me if you ever want to talk.good luck xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): not be to mean...but do you go for the "overweight, short, with round fat face" guys?
But seriously it's all about how you carry yourself. I know girls who are like that but they accept them for who they are and they have no problem finding guys.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 December 2008):
I'm guessing you go out and look for these loud drunk guys at parties.... and you seem to be attracted to arseholes so not surprisingly they are knocking you back.
Why don't you try meeting guys who aren't arrogant and drunk?
Go out not to parties but to some where different, join a club or society and get to know some guys.
Good Luck!! xx
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