A
male
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*avie
writes:It has been the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my life but have decided for my own happiness I need to break up with my boyfriend of four years.We have a great relationship but there have been intimacy issues for three years and I just can't take it anymore. I could handle rejection from some guy but from the man I love it just hurts way too much.Anyway my question is how? I've never broken up with anyone before and don't know what to do. I am in my mid 20s, he is in his early 40s. Surely I will hurt him however I do it but I want it to be as minimal as possible. I feel like an absolute bastard as he is unemployed at the moment. Should I wait until he has a job or would that be wrong? It just seems so daunting. We've been living together for three years in a house I own. It will all be so much harder for him.Put simply I just don't know what to do. I want to do this as kindly as I can and would greatly appreciate any and all advice.Thanks so much x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, reciprocity  +, writes (6 October 2008):
It sounds like you are the one that is providing the reasons to not break up with him. He lives in YOUR house? Don't you think that he knows that you are having intimacy problems? What next? He doesn't FIND a new job? The only nice way to make him leave is to convince one of his friends to take him in; or guess what? You're going to have to evict him...and do you know what that entails. Do not let him make you feel guilty! He's a grown man! You are not his mother! If things are irreconcilable then either kick him out or stop looking for sympathy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): well I got dumped 8 weeks ago! It was the hardest thing I had dealth with. I woke up one morning and my BF was gone. He was my first! Just a kiss good bye when I was sleeping and took my car and ran off with someone he met of plenty of fish.. and 3 days later his facebook said in a relationship with this new guy. I WAS so HURT. He didnt even talk to me until 6 weeks later, but before that he Ignored me so badly. Even his mom was on my side and the whole family! but still he tried to erase me. But when he came around and phoned me, he cried and was real sorry. but i could tell he still cared. Also said this new guy already loves him. ahh.....After I loved him for 6 years. How could this be! But towards when I got dumped, I knew it was it was coming to that. But I loved him so much why..I just had to deal with it! I think of him all the time. WHy WHy WHy. But The truth hurts, and I had to deal with it week by week. I feel kinda happy now in this 8th week. But miss him and he knows it. I knew months before that this was coming, And just could not deal with it. And slowly I have let go. But last thing I said to him this week was I Forgive you.
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie  +, writes (21 August 2008):
 When ending a relationship, I try to do it the way I would want it done to me (as much as one could ever be said to "want" to be broken up with).
I do not wait until the circumstances seem better, because the idea of someone staying with me out of pity when they're really desperate to leave is extremely unpleasant.
Be calm, be firm (if you know it is the right decision, don't try to soften the blow by letting him think there is any chance to fix the relationship--it ends up far crueler in the end), and give him time to ask questions and discuss it. You'll want to do it quick and get away from it, but if the dumpee wants to know the whys and hows, give it to him. You'll appreciate giving him closure now, rather than six months down the line.
It's never easy, but if you have made the decision, you need to tell him. Find a time when you can be alone and undisturbed and tell him.
Best of luck.
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