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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I need to break up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I have met someone else and want to pursue things with him but I am not sure how to go about ending it. I have never done this before. I know its going to really hurt him because he doesn't think there is anything wrong.I know that I will have to do it in person and not over the phone but we are in a long distance relationship. I don't want to torture him by saying 'I'm coming to see you this weekend...we need to talk' or whatever, but I can't pretend I'm coming for a weekend of fun either because it will be clear that I'm not.The other thing is.... should I tell him about the other guy? It is quite a big part of the reason for my breaking up with him, because I don't want to cheat but I can't help my feelings for this guy. So I just want to do this as soon as possible. but my boyfriend doesn't know about him. Is it really horrible to split up with him AND tell him that theres another guy or should I just leave that out of it...Advice would be appreciated! thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, uraqt9697  +, writes (8 June 2008):
In my opinion, it is never wise to leave someone for someone else, unless you're absolutley sure that you are over your ex. Let's say things didn't work out with your new partner, now your left feeling even worse because if there are still feelings for your ex, you will be dealing with those as well.
I know that wasn't the question, but I've done it before and it was a huge mistake. To answer your original question, I think the best thing to do is let him know that you'd like to talk to him about some things, and go visit him in person....
As far as telling him about the other man, I agree with the poster below. You are obviously interested in someone else because you are no longer interested in your current man. You should figure out what those reasons are, and let him know that you are leaving him for those reasons, because I think those are the reasons that prompted you to leave in the first place, and are the most important for him to know. I really wouldnt mention persuing other relationships, because either way, its bound to happen at some point, whether its you or him. I think it's most important to figure out why you are unhappy, and to let him know clearly and honestly.
good luck=)
A
male
reader, koga 777 +, writes (8 June 2008):
in my oppinion i wouldnt tell him about the other guy i mean"there's this other guy i like better so im dumping you for him"doesnt sound too kind huh lol.just try and be honest with him and tell him that things arent working out and that you want to pursue other interest's.it's a sad thing to see happen but it does happen and you should do what you want.
-michael
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