A
female
age
36-40,
*lishaa
writes:I'm a 22 years old unmarried girl. I'm severely depressed with what I am facing in life. Every moment is killing me. When I was 6 years old I came across my cousin's brother. He is 8 years elder to me. I liked him a lot and so did he. Years passed by but we never communicated about our feelings to each other. He was involved with many other girls in between that period. I turned 14 and he 22 then one fine day I got a news about him getting married to a very beautiful girl of his parents choice. I had no option but to accpet that fact and I never told him about my feelings as I was not very sure about his character. Seven years passed by of his marriage but I could not forget him and my love for him grew more and more as I matured. He lived in a different country and we got to see each other once in 2 years but never spoke to each other. Till not he had 2 kids. After 7 years of his marriage 1 day we met online and he told me about him not being happy wit his wife due to cultural differences and wishes to divorce her. I tried to explain him about it and told him that he can't do it as he has kids. But he told me all bad points about his wife and I pitied him. He then expressed his love for me. It was unbelievable but still thinking about his wife and kids I ignored him a lot. After trying for several months he convinced me and said he will soon divorce her and marry me. We then met and came very very close to each other and got physically involved too. I trusted his words and promises blindly. He promised me several times that in any circumstance he would not leave me and will marry me. Now after a year he says he cannot marry me as he can't leave his kids and divorce is not possible in his family. I cried a lot for months and months before him and still I do but he doesn't understand my feelings and abuses me and speaks dirty things about me and my family. He is with his wife and kids now and having a good time with them and I am totally shattered seeing that. He ignores me completely and I am madly in love with him since ages and too much attached to him.The physical relationship I had with him also disturbs me a lot. I am in a mess and spoiling my career too. I love him from the bottom of my heart and can't see him enjoying his life with them. I try to go away from him but end up calling him and he abuses me... please help me what should I do and how should I do it?
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cousin, depressed, divorce, met online, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Alishaa +, writes (27 November 2008):
Alishaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your suggestion and help buddy.Your suggestion gave me some kind of strength and confidence to avoid that guy and i am making complete efforts to do so......though its really tough!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): dear, try to move on. I'm sorry that you are in such pain now, but you'll have more pain in the future if you stay in a one sided relationship, where you do all the giving and not getting any love in return.
This guy is just feeding his ego coz you've professed unconditional love for him and had stuck with him even after he's told you that divorce is not a possibility. Please see the virtue also of letting him go so that he can be a better husband and father to his family.
Oftentimes, we put our lives on hold thinking that the "love of our life" will reciprocate what we feel and will make all our dreams come true. Truth is, this is a fairytale that most of us weave in our minds that it blinds us to the reality staring at us. if this love is meant to be, it would indeed bring us happiness, not tears.
I hope you will search your heart and soul and find strength to let go of something that is causing you only pain.
Be strong.. life may actually begin once you find the strength to let go.
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