A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with my best guy friend since we were 4 years old, we are both now 21.He is recently engaged and they are expecting a baby.I have been in love with him for pretty much my entire life, we had a sexual relationship on going for the last few years, and I regret that it has continued into his current relationship. I feel guilty and yet don't want it to stop, I want him all to myself. I know I'm not the only one in the wrong, as he is part of what has been happening too, I just don't know what to do.He is my oldest friend and I can't lose him, he has always been a huge part of my life, but I also know that I can't say no to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Awwww hunny I'm sry you are suffering through this. I'm sure its not easy. Anyone who claims they haven't experienced some variation of this situation is lying. We've all been there to some degree, with slightly different details, but the emotions are the same. Trust me I know the cliche advice (get a hobby, hang out with girlfriends, date someone else, and for goodness sake DON'T sleep with him ever again) are not going to help you get over your pain. You know you should go No Contact, but that's easier said than done. Make a list of all of his shortcomings and all the reasons he's made you cry. Then crumple it up and never give him another thought. Jk I know you won't be able to go cold turkey. Begin weaning yourself from him. He's not so great. This friends with benefits arrangement has to end ASAP. I know right now it feels like you have no identity if he's not in ur life, but you are very young. Ages 4 to 21 seems like forever now but its not. You're still a baby. Start distancing yourself NOW and eventually hell just be an ever fading recollection. Embark on the next part of your life, as he is. Most importantly, learn from this mistake. Never let yourself be used again. Not all ur fault, but you got in way too deep-emotionally and physically. He ought to be ashamed of himself for putting you through this. Let yourself feel the full range of emotions: love, hatred, anger...use up all those feelings til there's none left for him at all. Gradually ur intense for him emotions will be drained. Best of luck. Keep your head high.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I feel for you, but you've got to realise he's never going to be yours.This guy has been very selfish, using you like that and frankly if he was any kind of friend he wouldn't have put you in this horrible situation.You need to stop with the sexual relationship because it's just going to keep hurting you. You love this guy but he obviously doesn't feel as strongly because he's engaged to another girl.I know it hurts and you care about him but he isn't a nice guy, not really. The best you can hope for is the occasional sexual contact when he isn't busy with her.Don't you think you deserve more then to be used, because that's what he's doing. He 's a cheat and a liar, don't carry on being his ply thing.He comes to you for sex then goes back to the woman he really wants to be with. That's the cold, hard truth and this guy will destroy any happiness and self confidence you have if you carry on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): heya. this is tough. have you told him how you feel? or does he already know? if he does know and is continuing to go ahead with this marriage then he loves his fiance. and the cheating has to stop. its not fair on his fiance. at all. you wouldnt like it if you were the fiance and he was having an affair with someone else before you were even married.you have to realise that if being with this other girl makes him happy then you have to let him go. its the hardest thing ever. but would you rather have him be happy or unhappy?talk to him. tell him how you feel and how its tearing you apart. and them give him space. if you telling him how you feel changes his mind about things and makes him realise he loves you. the right thing for him to do is to break the engagement and get with you. but if it doesnt . then its the end . and the sexual affair has to stop. its soo hard to let go of the one you love and it tears you apart. i hope what i said might be of some help to you
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