A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf says he finds oral relaxing rather than a turn on. He enjoys it, but his erection soon goes floppy once I start sucking him off. My ex's have told me I am very good at oral so I don't feel it's entirely my fault. Regardless, it makes me feel awful about myself and often upsets me. It turns me on to give him oral, but there's really no point if it's in a sexual situation. Any advice? I have lost all my confidence.
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confidence, erection, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 ps. I once fell asleep receiving oral sex. It IS relaxing. Doesn't mean it wasn't good.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 July 2011):
You need to not take things personally. It's not about you. Don't make it about you. He finds it relaxing, unfortunately you experience the complete opposite: you get excited. Try to find a happy medium of where he gets to be relaxed and you get to enjoy your excitement too. Like passionate love making. Start with oral sex for him which will make him relaxed, and you turned on, then it is his turn to rock your world. Just turn that all the excitement into deep passion, so that instead of hanging from the chandelier you have deep and meaningful love making. In love making you need to both be relaxed and comfortable as well as excited, so it could work for the both of you.
Don't take things personal!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Is the oral for him or for you? If it's for him, and he doesn't really respond, I don't see the need to force him to enjoy it. If it's for you, then go ahead and do enough of it to turn you on and then proceed on to the next thing that you BOTH enjoy.
His lack of response or interest in it doesn't make you any less of a sex goddess. Not everyone is into oral sex.
I think that demanding he provide you with an orgasm through receiving your oral ministrations is in the same category as insisting that a woman have an orgasm through penile penetrative intercourse alone each and every time. It's sort of a sexual tyranny. What works for some people doesn't necessarily work for all.
If the lack of response in oral sex is mirrored in other aspects of your relationship then maybe you have something to worry about, but if this is the only glitch, I'd stop worrying about it. Read through the archives here, there are plenty of men who say 'meh' to oral sex. 'Meh' meaning 'it doesn't really do anything for me.'
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2011):
 have you asked him what he likes and how you could improve?
every man likes it a bit differently. you have to see what he likes..
I know I watch my man's face, and listen to his vocalizations and those usually coincide with his erection getting harder and larger.. that tells me he's excited.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Sorry, I can't relate..but here's a guess, he might be high or have been drinking prior to "the event" which would render him useless.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Dont go by what he says. You're too good in Oral skills. Maybe his muscles down there have gone week. May be he's a lazy bum.
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A
female
reader, Mami26 +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Why do you believe its you? Some men are like that,it has nothing to do with you.One man I was with was like that because he did drugs.And it had nothing to do with me,plus some of my male friends have the ame exact problem and it has nothing to do with their wives,ask him if this has happend before,it just had to do with the blood flow to his penis.Again nothing you did wrong,but i know where your coming from you feel like"hes not attracted to me or im not doing something right."Dont feel that way if its happend to him before maybe consult with a doctor to see if something else is casuing it.
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