A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met him over a camp of sorts, where students across schools came together to discuss about local issues and give opinions on them. It spanned over a week or so, whereby only on the last 3 days, we actually got to know each other, and interacted. In the process of those 3 days we had to work together for a performance, and there was a social night event before the camp ended -- we danced together with another girl, during which I think I already begun to develop feelings for this guy. It's ridiculous really, but yes, I admit that it was infatuation, and of a rather superficial level because:1. He could dance, and as a dancer myself, it was a definite plus.2. I barely knew himFrom there, I subsequently managed to get his number in a roundabout way, but on the last day of camp, he initiated things by dropping me a text. From then on we've been texting ever since, and it's been approx. 3 months. Things seemed promising initially, because he asked me out for a movie within the first 2 weeks after camp, and he was pretty nice. We were both awkward as hell, but I looked forward to meeting him again. Presently, what's bugging me is how his texts seem to be waning in frequency, and because of this, each time we send a text to each other, we talk about multiple topics, which make the messages really long. I find myself beginning to tire of replying him only because I have to stress over how to portray myself in a way that will make him reply me, and yet at the same time I get frustrated when he doesn't reply me till the end of the day, or even 2 days after. It honestly doesn't help that his phone cocks up sometimes and my messages don't get through/ vice versa. I wonder how, in this day and age, is it possible not to reply/ check your messages at least once a day, and it's beginning to make me think that he doesn't really care as much about me as I do, him. To give him credit, however, he always apologises for replying me late.Also, some other points to note:1. Other than the other girl we danced with during camp, he and I have no mutual friends. And even the girl doesn't know him that well.2. He's from another school, and we have almost zero to no opportunity of randomly bumping into each other3. He's an engineering student, I'm an arts student, and we seem to live on different wavelengths, though this is quite a minor point.Soooo, after that long ramble, what I'm really wondering, is whether I should continue to pursue this relationship. I don't even know if it's even a relationship, because all it feels like we've been doing is small talk, only, over texts. I hate having to build a perception of him based only on those words on my handphone screen, and yet I don't have the guts to call him or ask him out more than half the time. And the only 2 times I did, I freaked out cause he took helluva long time to reply, and when we did meet it was just.. awkward. We both take time to warm up to each other when we meet I guess. I need help with this, because it's driving me to the edge. Admittedly, this is the first time someone has seemed to show mutual attraction, and now that I've invested my time into this, I don't know how to stop/ continue. Is he worth my time? Or should I just let time erase the measly memories that I've had with him, and not try to push this into anything further than a crush?GOOD LORD, THIS RELATIONSHIP BUSINESS IS FRUSTRATING.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): Hi, I'm the asker for this question, and would like to thank you for your response. :)I think I wasn't very clear in my question, but the main issue with not having mutual friends with him is not to do with not having common people between us to hang out with or anything like that -- it's more of being unable to create any opportunity to meet him, because I can't plan how to approach him. The only way I can know of his schedule is through him, and being the painfully socially-inept person I am, I hesitate a lot trying to ask him if he's free, because I just can't seem to be able to do it right. I either freak out or just end up questioning if I should have sent the text or not. I try to tell myself it's ok to take the initiative sometimes, but as a female, I think it's inevitable to feel doubtful and frustrated when the guy reciprocates by replying, but never does seem to pick up on the hints and take it further. Also, this is why I stress about texting, because I want to be able to show him how I really am as a person, but am unable to, because its a natural habit for me to go into long descriptives (like this wall of text), and I'm afraid that he'll get bored of reading, so I clam up instead, and I'm stuck rephrasing sentences in my head for the next 30 mins or so. I'm not hoping for anything further than getting to know him better, really, because as messed up as I am by this, I believe that I'm sensible enough to know that rushing into a relationship with someone I hardly know isn't going to be anything of worth. I'm just extremely unsure if he is still interested in me, cause he clearly was interested enough initially to have started texting me, (he even went to lengths to continue our conversation even when he went overseas for a holiday with his family during the first few weeks), but now that the texts seem to be waning, I'm beginning to wonder if I should just let this fade on its own, or continue to keep conversation, even if it's starting to feel like only small talk. This is so conflicting, because at the same time, my mind is screaming at me not to give up so easily. .__. And to add to the whole texting issue, I agree with you completely that it is no basis to start a relationship, much less a friendship. I hate how it's beginning to feel like I'm talking to an "online entity" when really, I know him in real life, it's just that we have no common places to meet by chance. I want to call him up but I'm afraid, and he doesn't seem to like talking on the phone. I find it so hard to ask him out/ we both seem to have conflicting schedules/ the few times he asked me out, he was always late and we could make friendly conversation and enjoyed ourselves, but once we left each other, it went back to the same thing. Texting small talk. HOW IS THIS NORMAL? I'm just really confused by this, because it feels stagnant and I do know I'm interested in him, and admire him as the person I first got to know in camp, but I don't know how to bring this anywhere at all. Or whether I should just give up because it seems to be going nowhere. WHY ARE AFFAIRS OF THE HEART SO HARD TO COMPREHEND? ;A;
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Texting is no way to have a relationship. is there a reason you two can't talk on the phone?
having mutual friends is not a reason to have a relationship.
you will make friends with his friends if you have a relationship and he will make friends with yours... that's how it works.
having mutual friends is the least of your problems.
its' not a relationship yet.
if you want one, you have to actually spend time together and stop this stupid texting as a pretense to being friends.
also stop trying to be something or someone you are not.. stressing over how you portray yourself smacks of insincerity and trying to be what he wants... BE TRUE TO YOURSELF (that's my DC trend today!)
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