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female
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*onnaT
writes: My boyfriend of 5 years and I just had a baby. Since than he doesn't want to have sex.I've explained to him how this makes me feel (fat, unattractive, frumpy) and still no change.He proposed when I was 9 months pregant and tells me his feelings for me havn't changed, he also didn't want sex when I was pregnant.Anytime I bring it up he always replies to me the same, "You just had a baby" Ok fine if he sees me different... How can I change that? How long will it take? Anything I can do to keep myself for going crazy?Thank-you in advance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): You know I hate to ruin what others think about why their bf's don't want to have sex with their ladies after giving birth, but say my gf/wife just gave birth to our child, I also wouldn't want to have sex with her. There's a different sense suddenly. Vulgarly put, our child just came out of her vagina! Really think about this. If it were me and my gf/wife, the thought of sex isn't as emotionally orgasmic as having my try at parenthood. I would like to be there for my partner and baby - the whole mentality changes. I would feel very warm and fuzzy that the woman I love and adore has given birth to our child. Sex has become so far away in my mind because all I really want to do is take care of her and the baby. It's different. I won't look at my partner less attractively. It's just different. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe a bit later, I don't know how long, we'll do it again, but for now, my mind, my focus, my everything is on the well-being of my partner's health and our baby's health and happiness. Understand? [sigh]
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (21 February 2006):
 He probably does see you different but not as you think. Before getting pregnant you were his fun sex toy and now you're the mother of his child. You held and gave birth to his new responsibility, his immortality, his future. The weight of a new baby lays heavy on many men and they deal with it all differently and that can translate into the bedroom. The best thing you can do is get into couples counseling and start getting a new foundation set up for your new family. If he doesn't want to go then go by yourself.
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female
reader, maryA  +, writes (21 February 2006):
 i am currently havin the same problem with my boyfriend, i know ho hurtful it is when before you were preg he couldn't keep his hands off you an now all the love has gone (well thats what it feels like) its not easy dealing with the drop in hormones extra weight and your partners lack of intrest never mind the stress of a new baby. and when you try to talk bout it he makes out that its all in your head. i hope things get better for you, im tryin to get myself back inshape ive joined a martial arts class with my sister, she said that she'll help motivate me. i want to regain the confidance i had pre-pregnancy. then when i feel better bout myself an get my confadance back my boyfriend will get some of those happy vibes. i think that my present lack of confadance is reflecing on my image and thats what making me feel and look unattractive. soget out there and build yourself up again . thats what im doin, i hope it works. but i still worry why my bf wont tell me why he wont be intamate with me, is it really gona hurt me that much to hear, alot of thoughs will be runnin through you head rite now. all you keep askin is why dosen't he like me. but you know what get to like yourself again and im sure he'll follow- good luck and congrats on your new baby.
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