A
female
age
36-40,
*ipgossxx
writes:Hiya I have this bf ive been with for a year he speaks to me like poo on his shoe swears at me shouts at I caught him on a dating websites. I love him such a lot and he will be crude to me then turn the opposite and be soo lovely cos he knows he's done wrong he belittles me too and I've just got to the stage when I actually feel scared of him. Thank fully we don't live together. I've tried ending it and he won't let me go I feel like he's got a hold over me and I do love him so dearly and think that's why he's got a hold over me because Ive become a weak person and feel very down on my self Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Hi
If one of your mates said all you have said about HER boyfriend you would tell her to dump him asap.
He has no hold over you at all,you dont even live together. He scares you, that is NOT how you should feel, you should feel loved and respected and valued.
Wake up, get rid.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 he speaks to me like poo on his shoe
he swears at me
shouts at me
I caught him on dating websites
he belittles me
I'm scared of him
oh dear OP read the list above YOU WROTE IT...
he's lovely because he knows he's done wrong.
you don't live together so what is this "he won't let me go?" stuff.... YOU won't let YOU go...
why do you love him?
what are you afraid of being alone for?
how do you try to end it?
do you block his number
change the locks
delete his email?
IGNORE HIM???
see what you need to do is tell him, I'm afraid of you and I dont' want to see you. DO NOT CONTACT ME"
then you block his numbers
you change your locks if he has a key
and you IGNORE HIM.
yes it's very very very hard... you have my permission to obsess about him..
write him long long letters (that you will never send)
journal every thing... so you can read it later...
but you must cut all contact to feel safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Just because you love him, doesn't mean you should remain with him and be treated like that. It will be helpful to you if you don't look at him through rose tinted spectacles, and keep reminding yourself just what a selfish, and manipulative person he also is, and how unhappy he is making you. The love part will fade over time if you leave him, and you will see things more clearly and realise how happy you can be without him. If you remain, you may always be unhappy because things may not change, and in fact could well get worse. I don't know the full extent of things, but based on what you've provided, that is my opinion. He's already made you a weak person, don't allow him to get inside your head any more than he already has and break you completely. Think positively and become strong :)
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