A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 39 divorced and had been dating someone for 3 years. I knew him from university.He lives in another country. We became engaged. I have gone through a lot for this long distance relationship to make it work. I applied for a fiancé visa for him last year and in the process we broke up few time due to him disrespecting my family and kept doing it in any argument. The last time was 2 months ago I told him that I'm done and never contact me again. I was so angry after 2 weeks I started dating here as I felt so stupid for sacrificing myself for someone for 3 years to treat me this way while I could easily meet someone here and be married by now. I went on a date 2 times whith this guy and one night my ex fiancé kept calling me that his visa is approved and he is coming. I said come but I really have lost all my passion and have no feelings anymore. He doesn't take it seriously! I said I'm not promising anything to you. Now even I don't feel the same for him I feel bad for dating and the guy kissed me on the 3rd date. Am I a cheater? Now I'm stuck please help me. I'm in such a mess. My ex husband is after me to take me back, ex fiancé is coming and I added this new guy which is talking about marriage. Thank you for your advise!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 You didn't cheat, you had told your partner it was over. So stop feeling guilty. You where free to kiss whoever you liked. I guess you are feeling guilty because it happened so quick but you need to let that go now.
If you have lost feelings then tell him it is over and that is it.
As for your husband, if you divorced then there must have been a very valid reason. I doubt you want to go backwards so even though you share a child you need to be telling him it is friendship only for the sake off your child.
As for this other guy you kissed, he is already talking about marriage? That would scare me off. You may need some time to yourself to be independent and work out what you want.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): No. You didn't cheat. You told your ex fiancée that you're done and to not contact you anymore. You are now single, so how could you be cheating?By the way I get bad vibes about this ex fiancée. Dissing your family is an abusive tactic. I'm not saying that he is abusive, just that it's a tactic used by abusive people. What reason would he have to do it otherwise? Abusive people like to isolate you from your family, by alienating them. Just something to think about. Also you've told him that you're done and he's not listening. Just carrying on as if you didn't say anything. This is also something abusive people do. Be aware that he will try to wrap you around his little finger when he arrives.If you can, leave the exes in the past and see where this new guy goes. But again, this new guy talking about marriage so soon? Another red flag. Abusive men sweep you off your feet and get you tied down so fast. Then their REAL personality emerges. I'm wondering if you have a history of being attracted to abusive men? I have had three abusive relationships and an abusive father and have read an awful lot on the subject. None of these men sound like a gift from heaven. If I were you, I would read up on abuse in relationships, so you can recognise what these men MIGHT be doing. And remove yourself as far as possible from the one coming to see you. I don't like the sound of him at all. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): I'm the op- Thanks Auntiy Bim Bim.Nothing is illegal here. The visa is valid for 3 months and if we don't get married he should go back and he will because he doesn't like to live in the US and this was one of the issues that he was asking me to go back which I can't because I have a child with my ex. I can't cut off completely with my ex for that reason too. My concern here is since the last argument and him being disrespectful I have no feelings anymore I told him is over but he thinks it was like other arguments that we had before and doesn't take it seriously. I don't want to cheat on anyone but saw this new guy out of anger and if my ex fiancé comes here I even can't give him another chance because the other guy kissed me.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 January 2017):
 Your ex husband is an ex for a reason, leave him in the past where he belongs.
Your ex fiancé .... lots of questions here, what country is he coming from, could he (perhaps) need your relationship with him to be intact in order to get into the US?
You need to make ABSOLUTELY SURE his interest is in YOU and not his visa.
As for the new guy take it slow, especially as you currently have a few issues hanging around that need to be taken care of before you get serious about anybody new.
If you don't want your ex husband back (and really, why would you), then tell him straight out NO! GO AWAY! Block him on all social media and block his number. Show him you mean it.
If you are sure the ex fiancé has also done his dash then let him know .... NO! GO AWAY! If he needs you to get into the country and you will be required to deal with him in the future, if he is using you for his own purposes then decide what you are going to do about that. DONT PUT YOURSELF IN ANY SITUATION WHERE YOU MIGHT BE REQUIRED TO DO SOMETHING ILLEGAL
And the new guy, keep it cool, sort out the above two and then see how it goes.
Good luck!
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