A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help. I am incredibly fearful of rejection in a relationship after my last partner of 8 1/2 years ended the relationship suddenly by email and then cut himself off more or less completely from me. The event triggered bipolar disorder in me, which both my parents suffer from but which I had not had before. I was in hospital for 7 weeks and it was incredibly hard to put myself back together again. I am now living in another country, and a year ago I met a great guy and started a new relationship. I find it very hard to trust though, and I am afraid of doing something to push him away, I just fear being abandonned again. Things are good with us, mostly, and he's committed to me but he's started to make very clear that he doesn't want children. I always very much did want them. I'm 28. However, I have reservations because of my bipolar and not wanting to pass on the condition (which is by no means a certainty) because it makes life very hard. So maybe I would be more responsible not to have children anyway. But that breaks my heart too. Part of me wonders if I should walk away because we are just too incompatible. Part of me wonders if he would change his mind. Part of me wonders if I should change my mind. I am torturing myself with worry and I have started to become more distant with him - somehow I feel less attracted to him sexually and he's feeling this. I don't know what to do. Would really appreciate advice on any of the issues raised. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Don't rely on him changing his mind because that is extremely unlikely to ever happen. As for you changing your mind about having kids I suggest you only change it as far as having biological children goes. Through adoption you wouldn't have to worry about passing this disorder on.
I agree with Egghead that taking some time away from relationships would really help. You're already distancing yourself from him so I think you should just tell him it's over.
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