A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a married man. We were instantly attracted to one another, but with him being married, we opted to be friends. We have been close friends for the past 2 years, we have the same interests, we can talk about anything, we respect one another, we are perfect together. Recently we have become intimate, I can't stop thinking about him, and I feel like he is my soul mate. What should I do??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): There are countless and I mean countless women out
there who believe that they have met their soulmate
in a married man. " he and i understand each other so well"
and, " he knows me so well" " we are so connected"
" he really doesn't love his wife." " if he had met
me before he met her we would be together for the rest
of our lives." " he's only staying with her because of
the kids" This is an age old phenonmenon that has
been going on forever.
I'm sorry to break the REAL news to you.
Although, you may feel deeply connected to this man
and have then been sleeping with him to make that
connection feel even deeper.
HE IS NOT YOUR SOULMATE!!!
Your soulmate is out there for you. He is not married
and he is not encumbered in anyway by another woman.
He is for you, and you are for him.
This relationship with the married man is a learning
experience for you. From this experience and the lessons
that you are taught may help to bring you closer
to your REAL soulmate.
Let him go!!!! You are inhibiting yourself from TRUE LOVE!!
And you are inhibiting yourself from being open to recieve
your REAL SOULMATE.
He will have to deal with his own demons. You need to
let him go now!!!
Learn from this realtionship and move foreward.
Take Care of yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): I, too, have been there. I insisted for over tow years that this was different than those other cases. I held to his words, anting so badly to beleive him. I almost overcame my nagging doubt. He *almost* got divorced... or so he said. In the end, I sent him back, having by some stroke of genius realized that i deserve more than someone who was mine but parttime. I will not pretend that these stories NEVER work out... but it so so very rare. A deeper series of questions might be-- does her fulfill your desires?, meet your needs?, what is it that drew you to him to begin with?, can this be found elsewhere? how do you feel about the fact that he is legally bound (whether just for now or not) to someone else? is he in the place to offer you a mutual and respectful relationship? is he lost, and unsure about what he wants? if so, are you willing to be a pawn in his (possibly endless) endeavour of trying to figure out what his wants and needs are? If you two do end up together, will you be able to trust that there will not, in turn, be some other woman who captures his heart again?... thinking it through (being honest with yourself) now is better than doing so once you have invested yourself, your emotions, your energy, your time, in some one who may or may not have corresponding levels of these that truly match yours. Do what is best for you, and know that we can fall in and out of love many times in life, though it may not seem that way right now; it has more to do with goodness of fit of the other factors such as timing and readiness and willingess and other incidentals-- there are many people we encounter with whom wwe can share mere attraction and imtimacy. A healthy, lasting, veritable realtionship requires more than those two. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Ever thought that you feel so strongly because he is out of bounds? You need to steer clear, you have both already crossed the line, this man is married! Do you not think that if he was unhappy he would have left his wife? or is that his promise? Ive been there, he tells you that he will leave her for you - he is lying through his teeth, don't fall for it and end up being the one getting hurt and looking like the fool - it took me 3 years to fix my shattered heart.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 By definition, a soul mate wouldn't belong to another woman. So until he gets divorced, he is a married man you are having sex with and you are a fling he's enjoying while still going to home to his wife. You're heading for a crash-and-burn here.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 At the end of the day he is married, and the chances of him leaving his wife for you are slim. Invariable married guys never leave their wives, so ultimately you become his mistress or bit on the side, only seeing him when he can sneak away, then he crawls back the marrital bed at the end. If he can see you on the side he will, having you and a wife, well lucky him, beecause he will be well & truly having his cake and eat it. Don't give him the satisfaction and find someone who is not married.
Good luck x
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