A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together over two years and since the beginning we have told each other that we feel like this is the 'one'. We are not exactly young, both are 25 years old, but we both separately made bad choices in college and have had to start over. So, I am starting on my now second year of college and he is applying for the police academy. We both live respectively at our parent's home and both work full time. We have been actively talking about moving in together, but a couple of months ago he told me he wasn't ready to move in because of finances. We both do not make a lot of money and the area we live in and work in is super expensive even in the bad areas. I can understand this, so when he is gone in bootcamp I spoke with my Mother to ask her if we can move into their basement, its huge, nice and has a totally seperate entrance, kitchen and everything. We would pay rent, but no where near what we would have to pay for it. He is now wondering about if we should wait more months to save up, we have been saving up for more than a year.He is also doing the same thing about getting married. He brings this up and then when I get excited, he tells me that he is not ready. Is he just leading me on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): Hi
I don't think he is leading you on, at least from what you have wrote. Well done to the both of you for taking steps to change your careers for the best and I hope it works out well for the both of you. I can imagine it is a daunting time for you both with you at college and you bf is probably hoping he gets accepted for police academy. His reluctance might be simply because he can't be certain of how finances are going to work and is nervous of it going wrong, or feeling like he will let you down if money is tight. The opportunity you have with a basement to rent from family is one too good to miss. You are so fortunate not everyone is that lucky and end up getting ripped off! Perhaps you could show your boyfriend what apartments that size usually rent for and then he will see just what a good deal it is. If he says money is a worry then work out all your outgoings rent, food, electricity etc... Write down anything and everything and see if you can genuinely afford it. Talking from experience; it is hard, but after a couple of months you get in the swing of things and know when bills are due and it is surprising how quickly you get used to it. But you have to be 100% certain your combined wages can cover everything plus taking into account putting a little by in case your car breaks or other unexpected emergencies!
As for marriage, don't put too much emphasis on it. Enjoy where you are in your relationship now, I've been with my partner for 5 years we discuss marriage and know we will one day but we are not even engaged. Family even sometimes hint at us but we are so happy as we are an engagement ring wouldn't make a difference to me right now : ) when it happens it happens just enjoy yourself, living together is so much fun anyway that is something to look forward to more : )
Good Luck. Hope everything works out for you both.
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