A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen out of love with my husband of 15 years. We have three beautiful and kind children and a lovely home. Several years ago, for about 3 years straight, my husband was in a very dark place due to some investments gone bad. I tried to reach him, help him, support him, cheer him up, suprise him, take over the kids' activities, take over the social planning, you name it. I even told him I was unhappy and felt we were simply roommates. I offered counseling to which he replied by saying it was unnecessary. Things got worse until I told him a year ago I am no longer in love with him. He was devestated, changed overnight, and has been an angel for 9 months. I, however, can't get feelings back for him. It is breaking my heart, but I fantasize about living on my own. Will he be okay? Will my kids be okay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): I sometimes feel my old hubby (of 27 years) and I are just roommates. After all, where did the passion and excitement go?... and when, exactly, did we just become associates and not lovers?If you get to be around other couples, through your kids, maybe... you'll find some couples that are way less happy, and some that are on fire with passion (usually a second marriage, and often just for show). It's natural to fantasize about a new life, as long as you realize that it's just a fantasy. Look at some of your single girlfriend's lives - it's no bed of roses unless they left an abusive man. Better yet, imagine that you've left him to start a new life and maybe find someone new. He's sad for a while, but then he starts dating and invites his girlfriend to come to a family event. Whooo-hoo, won't that be fun?
A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (19 April 2011):
I would go for some counselling if I were you, 15 years is a long time to of been together so the relationship's worth trying to save at least. Tell your husband you're still confused by your feelings, it may hurt him to hear it but honesty is best in this situation. It's very unlikely that one day all your feelings will return just like that.
It could be that subconsciously you're angry at him for what he put you through, you feel unappreciated or that you don't fully believe this sudden change is genuine and worry he'll revert back to what he was like before. All of this could affect your feelings towards him so talking to a trained counsellor might help.
Ultimately if you can't get any feelings back for him then your husband and kids should be ok, many people go through divorce/separation these days. It won't be an easy option, everyone involved will be absolutely devastated for a time so I'd suggest only going to those lengths if you're sure the relationship can't be saved. After all if you don't have any feelings for him then it's more than likely the relationship will deteriorate on it's own. That won't be a nice thing to watch or experience for you, your husband or children either.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Offer counseling again.
Sounds like you are in a dark place now, and looking to leave. Successful marriages take work, on both peoples parts, and you probably don't know all that is going on with you or him.
Fantasy is not reality...are you going to be living on your own without husband and kids? How do you think that will affect you long term, the kids long term, etc.
Are you having an affair? Have you had opportunities that are influencing your decision?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): You cannot force yourself to love someone and you need to do whats right for you. Your husband will be upset when you leave him, but he has to understand that your no longer happy and shouldnt force yourself to do something you dont want to do. Your kids will be upset at first, but my parents split while i was at a young age (11) so your kids will soon understand and get over it. no matter what they will still have parents who love them no less. i hope this helps :)
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