A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I met an alcoholic guy back in May when I was in hospital with complications from my Diabetes and he was in for Liver problems. We were there together for about a week and, when we got out, we started hanging out together. Within two weeks this got to the point of spending anything from 4 to 24 hours a day together almost every day. Anyway, about three months ago we took some really strong cocaine together and ended up in be. In the morning, he came into the living rom naked and we had a long chat about what had happened. He was fine about it and I told him I had feelings for him and asked if he wanted to give it a go: his response was "Sounds good to me pal" and I left for work feeling elated. Anyway, when I got back later that night, he said he couldn't remember anything about the night before and asked me what had happened. I told him and he just said "Eew, I must have been really wrecked to do that." It wasn't mentioned again but then, two weeks later, when he was drunk, it happened again, however, this time, he was more alert and told me what to do and what he wanted to do to me. He even kissed me( which he's said befre he doesn't do outside of a relationship, and it wasn't a sexual kiss, it was intimate and slow and loving. Anyway, after that, for about a week he was really horrible and homophobic to me so I went round when he was out and posted his key and left him a note saying I wouldn't be back. Then, a few days later, I was walking past his house and saw an ambulance so I went over and it turned out he'd had a seizure from taking an overdose (it was an accident)so I stayed with him all day and then we just fell back into the routine of spending every day together. Then, a couple of days later, he said he was sorry for being nasty to me but he was trying to put me off: his words were "I'm not a fruit and I need a bird and I don't want you sleeping over anymore because you scare me". Nothing sexual has happened since but we sit on the coach together with our legs and arms touching, he touches my knee and rubs my back and yet he flinches when I touch him. We also walk with our arms brushing up against each other and we used to walk down the street holding hands and he'd sit with his legs over my knees whilst I stroked his legs and played with the back of his knee. But this was before anything happened. Then, the other night, he noticed some dry skin on my face and he put moisturiser on it but then went on o moisturise my entire face and told me I had good skin ("But don't tell anyone I said that"). He also cut himself shaving the other night and asked me to clean it for him and put cotton wool and tape over it (after telling me again just that morning that I was scaring him). Lastly, the other night, he invited me to stay over and we slept on the sofa top and tail with our legs intertwined. He even took his underwear off in the night and showed me his erect penis in the morning. I'm so in love with him and have lost all desire to see or talk to other handsome men. He comes across very straight and is very much engrossed in pub culture and has a lot of homophobic mates. Please tell me that I am not going mad or reading too much into things and that there really might be something there...Many thanks,Devon
View related questions:
alcoholic, drunk, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 September 2015):
 I've also looked at some medical websites about using cocaine if you have Diabetes. Not a good idea. And you were hospitalized for a week due to complications?
Please seek help for drug and alcohol abuse if you can't stop using. It would be a great pity for a young man in his 20s to become gravely ill or die due to this. Diabetes can be managed and you can live a long and happy life, Part of that is following doctors' orders and making healthy choices for yourself. Including cutting out toxic people....
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 September 2015):
It seems he has some serious health problems, you mention that he's an alcoholic, does that mean he's in recovery or is he still actively drinking? You also added that he is very much engrossed in pub culture, so is that where he hangs out?
You also mentioned that he had liver problems and was hospitalized for a week. It's reasonable to assume that his liver problems are related to alcohol. Being hospitalized for a week for liver problems at a young age does suggest some extremely serious health concerns.
Then you said he'd had a seizure from taking an overdose.
So basically, to sum it up, he has major substance abuse issues. Liver problems so bad he has to be hospitalized for a week and now a history of seizures due to an overdose. (Accidental or not, that is beside the point.)
He may be a closeted gay who is doing his best to self-medicate out of those feelings. He may be a straight guy with a major drinking problem and the need to look after someone and be looked after.
The homophobic mates aren't a good sign, to me, that's a problem waiting to happen.
I think what you need to do is take care of yourself. Being hospitalized for a week in your 20s suggests that your diabetes is not well-controlled.
I hope that you are taking good care of yourself and that you are following doctor's orders.
Please, for your health and his, distance yourself from him until he's got that substance abuse under control. You can't fix that for him, he has to do it himself.
I don't think you are going mad, but I do think you are wishing for him to come out as gay and declare himself attracted to you. Based on your history together, he certainly is giving you that impression but his substance abuse issues are really what he needs to cope with right now.
I'd stop spending so much touchy touchy time with him unless you are really okay with being used as a prop and then discarded. He doesn't sound healthy enough to make healthy and rational and loving choices for himself, let alone you.
...............................
|
