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female
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anonymous
writes: I was helping a friend of mine (girl) move, and I met a good friend of hers who was a male. We had instant chemistry, we thought about each other everday since then, and have gone back and forth between this girl. Only problem he's married, he's not happy in the relationship, but we are both confused on what we should do. We cut off communication, but we both went insane. HELP Reply to this Question
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (29 June 2006):
 Well obviously you have not gone insane....or you would be writing this to us in crayola. You are not in love with him...you are infatuated with him. Can you catch him...steal him....have him for your own? Nope. You can obsess over him and convince yourself that he is the one...focusing on him rather than looking for a real love. And you can cause yourself heartache to any degree or any length of time that you so choose. Or you can understand that this is one of those little hormone blips that make use feel in love for a bit. The fact that you can't have him makes him all the more delicious.
options...
Have a little affair and enjoy it as an affair that will end. The hormones will cool and you will notice that horrid mole on his butt or that gross way he chews or whatever.
Murder his spouse...which I don't recommend...relations from prison tend to sour.
Pluck up some courage, be a grown up and take responsibility for the fact that though it would be charming and fun to have won this man...there will be another of equal or superior merit by in about 15 minutes.
Or you had heave you lonesome breasts and sigh at how unfair it is that someone else saw him first and sit it out for years hoping that eventually.......someday....maybe....when the kids are......and he's.....and she looses her grip....blah blah blah.
Find an available man and seduce him into an affair...at least those have a chance to blossom.
Oh and the part about He's unhappy...phhhhhhpphhht. That is standard Married Man verse for....well I am not miserable enough to leave, but I sure would like to have sex with you...if it's free....and if you promise you won't tell anyone...and if you don't mind me leaving right afterward and if you could provide the place....and be available at the drop of a trouser.
Don't fall for it...you are so much smarter than that and you deserve a whole man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): Why would you fall for a man who lies to women and cheats on them, he's not much of a man is he. His wife deserves better and so do you. you'll soon forget him if you break off all contact, no one ever went insane from missing a man they hardly know. Give it a few weeks and you'll be embarassed you even had these thoughs
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 I'm going to play Devil'd Advocate here... he 'says' he's not happy in his marriage....of course he does, he isn't going to tell you he's actually pretty happy at home and still sleeping with his wife because then he can't have his cake and eat it can he? What I will say is, if you are strong enough, stay away from this man until he makes a decision either way. You cut off communication and went insane? Well he clearly didn't or he'd have left his home. Put yourself in his wife's shoes and see how you'd feel. You can't help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you fall into bed with and he is with someone else's no matter what he tells you. If he loves you, he will leave her. If he doesn't leave, move on and find a single man who treats women with respect and in the meantime, you try to do the same. Sorry for the bluntness.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Well he is married. As much as he says hes not happy, he has to make the decision whether to make his marriage work or not. Until then you are pretty much going to be in limbo. He owes it to his wife to either make a go of it or split up. He cant just cheat on her and hope things will pan out life isnt like that. YOu yourself, need him to be available before you consider taking thigns any further as at the moment you are just the other woman! He may just be telling you that things are not good with his wife and fancies a bit on the side, you cant know this for sure either way! So you either wait for him to leave his wife if hes that unhappy, or find someone that isnt already attached. He may not have any intention of leaving his wife, until he does you have to take it as red that he has no intention of leaving her, in which case you will always only be the other woman. If he wants to be with you he has to leave her first for this to have any chance of working. But you have to realise he might have alot to lose so will not want to leave her, could just be a rough patch, and hes feels like a bit of a distraction for a while. this is all new so maybe let him decide what he wants to do, but let him know the doors open if he wants to pursue things, but in the current climate you will have to leave well alone as allowing him to cheat on her could mean more heartache for you as you will get attached and he may not leave her.
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