A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need your help. I met this guy a couple of months ago, we went on a first date, got to know each other really well. Then we carried on talking everyday for a couple more weeks. Because we had both come out of serious relationships , we decided to just be friends with benefits. This was great as we got on really well, and it just wasn't about sex we sat and chilled, watched films and talked a lot. A couple of weeks ago we fell out over something stupid and didn't talk for about 2 weeks. I hated every moment of it. We started talking again but he said to me that he would rather be friends than just a booty call.. I didnt mind that at all. But recently I have started to notice I've fallen for him, for example everytime I see a silver car I think it's him or when I was stood in the queue and he drove past I couldn't breathe. I don't know if im just been put in the friend zone or that he actually likes me. He keeps telling me that he's happy been single, but how am I suppose to move on if I'm in love with him. Anyway this Saturday I'm going back to university and he's coming with me and we are going out to Manchester and he will be staying over, my best friend has told me to tell him how I feel, but I'm scared because I no I will get rejected and I don't want to lose him :( what should I do??
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best friend, booty call, friend with benefits, move on, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle  +, writes (19 September 2012):
"he would rather be friends than just a booty call..""He keeps telling me that he's happy being single" "my best friend has told me to tell him how I feel, but I'm scared because I no I will get rejected and I don't want to lose him"No point to "tell him how you feel" when he's already "told you how hw feels" which is completely incompatible with "how you feel" so yes, you will be rejected but no, you won't lose what you never had.He was getting what he wants, you had some sort of disagreement, he's decided you're no longer worth the effort required to keep sleeping with you, and he has told you as much in so many words.Women just don't seem to get it: when you go to bed with a guy who did not profess love or offer relationship, that's how the guy will always see you. Once a bleep buddy, always a bleep buddy. He'll either continue sleeping with you or he'll stop sleeping with you (and your FWB has already told you you're demoted to F), but no guy in his right mind is going to up the ante once you've gone to bed with him. No benefit to the guy, you're already sleeping with him and that's all he wants, and for a girl to think that the prospect of continued sex is enough for him to fall in love or offer a relationship is simply ludicrous.To a guy, a woman's currency is what he had to offer to get her into bed in the first place, yet women always think they can somehow convince the guy to offer more once he's sleeping with her. If a girl wants a serious relationship, then don't sleep with a guy who didn't offer one. He bought a Mini Cooper at a Mini Cooper price. If he wants to trade up, then he'll buy a Rolls Royce at a Rolls Royce price. He's not going to suddenly pay for a Rolls but keep the Mini, and he sure as hell is not going to start paying Rolls money after he's already returned the Mini to the dealer, your British auto metaphor equivalent situation. To repeat, he's "told you how he feels" quite clearly and if you "tell him how you feel" that won't change his mind and he will probably "tell you how he feels" again in much cruder and coarser terms out of sheer exasperation since you obviously do not get it, after which he will probably make all effort to avoid you in order to avoid further similar unpleasantness in the future. ". . . but how am I suppose to move on if I'm in love with him." You are supposed to move on because he is NOT in love with you, never was, and if he doesn't consider you worth the effort to continue as FWBs, then why do you think "telling him how you feel" is somehow going to convince him otherwise? Please, don't make an uncomfortable situation even worse, especially in presence of mutual friends. He wants to remain friends, that's ALL he wants, keep the conversation light and cordial, and that will be the first step in moving on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): Ask him, the worse that can happen is he can tell you he isn't interested and if he tells you that, do you think you can still be REAL friends with him? You have to ask yourself those questions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Talk to him, what do you have to lose?
If he doesn't JUST want to be a booty call, then most likely he likes you too. You won't know unless you talk to him.
~nothing ventured, nothing gained!~
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