A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am at uni. i really like my flatmate. he's funny and really hot. he lives in my flat. i get really nervous around him. however, i don't know if he likes me. basically, he teases and annoys me a lot. we have food fights and himm and my other male flatmatewill take my things to annoy me. also, however, he can be really mean to me at times, as a joke. i have learnt not to take him personally because i know that he does not mean it. he screams and shouts at me, but in a joking way. also, i have another female flatmate and he is always around her. he will always be in her room, but he haardly ever comes into mine. also, he always arranges to go out with her and not me...they will organise to go to the cinema or dinner etc. and then invite th rest of us. i cn't help but get jealous and also i know that he prefers her as he is always around her. i really like him and don't know what to do as i really want him to spend more time with me and not my other flatmate. i cannot go and tell him because we are not that close and also i have to live with him for the rest of the year si i cannot spoil it. its not that we don't get on, it's just that he gets on with my other female flatmate better than me and i don't know what to do. i try to int to him and i do everything i possibly can to make him happy and make him like me, such as his laundry, i fold all his clothes when he waashes them, clean up after him, and basically ANYTHING he asks. my other female flatmate does none of this and yet he still likes her more. i don't know what more i can do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): i'm a 25 year old male who just moved out of a complicated relationship with a co-ed flatmate so take this advice for what it's worth:
this a terrible situation and i'm sorry you have to live through it. i think you know the truth so you shouldn't torture yourself with false hope. he likes her more for whatever reason, most likely because she represents more of a challenge. if you're doing things for him like folding his laundry he likely recognizes that you adore him, and there's no thrill in that for a guy.
i know it's really hard to control the way you feel but you should find something to distract yourself, really intensely focus on investing in yourself, be it through exercise, a creative craft, education, work, etc. Get yourself out of the situation or it will dominate your thoughts. there is a small chance he might notice your newly found interest and confidence and be attracted to it. but he won't ever do anything with you while he's interested in the third roommate, for fear of messing things up or complicating your living arrangement.
More likely (and importantly), while you're doing your own thing, you'll find someone out there who will feel the way about you the way you feel about your roommate, and he'll flirt with/pursue you the way your roommate flirts with your third roommate.
be careful with this guy... if he knows you have feelings for him he may use you at some point to arouse feelings of jealousy for the third roommate. don't let others dictate your self esteem... just become the best you are capable of becoming, and your confidence will shine through. you'll be happier and meet someone greater because of it.
Good luck!
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