A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known my Best Friend for over three years now.Over the past year i have fallen for him.He was my first for everything and we are extremly close.I have always given him my all,put him infront of me,and always have tried to make him happy.I get Nothing in return.He has constantly taken me for granted,and had sex with some girl he doesnt even know! He's trying to act like a player since he's growning up.So i told him that he cant keep taking me for granted and always putting me to the side,and i was done with him.We havent spoken in 5 days! Might I mention we work together..Well,he was like my first love,and i feel like im dying.I dont know what to do and how to handle this! Our mutual friend told me that he looks so sad.And I love him and miss him,but i know that i deserve much more and am tired of not being treated right.So when or If he comes back to talk try and be my friend again i dont know what to do! I dont want to be treated like im worthless,and everytime im around him he's constantly stressing me out because i worry so much about him.I would really like someone to talk to.thank you.xxoo
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 August 2008):
 Hi, you sound very unhappy with him, and I don't blame you for feeling that you've been taken for granted. The thing is that he hasn't asked you to do all these things for him, I don't think, has he? You've put him first, you think about his happiness and you do all these things for him because you're hoping that he will reciprocate. I don't think that he realizes you feel this way, he may not have even noticed, or it's been enough years that he just accepts how you treat him as your choice and the 'usual' by now.
Does he know that you feel this way about him? And when you said he was your first for everything, does that mean you've had sex with him too?
Are you two considered best friends or boyfriend and girlfriend by other people? And how does he label your relationship? Are you his good girl buddy or his girlfriend?
I'm asking all these questions because this really is a matter of expectations, and the gigantic gap that exists between your expectations of him and his of you. You've trained him over three years to feel that you'll always be there for him, that you'll put him first, and I'm pretty sure he hasn't asked you to do this. He thinks it's voluntary on your part; he doesn't realize that you've been waiting for a payback, and the payback is that he choose you as his girl. You're in his 'friend zone' I think, unless you are his official girlfriend. If you've had sex with him, then you are 'friends with benefits' in his mind.
You've taken on the burden of being his caretaker, and I'm not sure he wants that of you. People have to go out and make their own mistakes and their own choices and live with the consequences.
I would try very hard to not contact him. I think he knows how you feel about him by now, and if he really wants to be with you, he'll come back and be with you. If he doesn't, it means he's just not ready for a relationship with you. He may like you a lot, care about what happens to you, but he's not looking for a girlfriend, or maybe worse, he doesn't see you as a girlfriend.
It feels very unfair when this happens in your life, I know, it stinks, it's awful! There's no easy way to get over a split up, unless you were never emotionally invested in the first place.
So if he really does care about you in that way, and is ready for a relationship, he'll be back. Just try not to let that built-up resentment you have over being taken for granted ruin it when and if it happens.
If I were you, I'd get very busy with my friends, I wouldn't try to text, email, or phone him. I'd get reacquainted with friends that I'd been neglecting and I'd get to know my close friends even better. I'd take charge of taking care of ME, not him nor anyone else for the moment. It would be ME month!!! I'd do things that make me happy and that I know will keep me occupied and busy and thinking of other things. I'd do what Joseph Campbell called 'follow your bliss.' Do what you love, what makes everything else in the whole world go away and makes you feel completely connected to whatever that activity is.
Sorry you have to go through this, but I expect this is just the start of a new phase in your life.
Good luck.
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