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female
,
anonymous
writes: i am currently in a relationship with a boy but...in the past i have had many sexual occasions with my female best freind!! who has recently told her parents she has a gf..she has bin with this older girl for a month or so..my freind says shes bi but her gf is 100% lesbian.anyway i really love my freind i duno whether im in love with her though!!?? i recently txt her telling her that i love her with all my heart and cant stop thinking about her which is the truth!now her gf knows about the txt and our sexual occasions...now her gf doesnt like her being with me or staying at hers which is understandable! but i dont feel for anyone how i feel for her..our freindship isnt the same since she got with her gf! what should i do ???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Di_Star +, writes (6 December 2006):
I feel you need to talk firstly to your friend alone about your feelings and then to your friends girlfriend alone, you need to be truthful and honest. You say in your letter you love your friend but are unsure wether you love her in a more sexual way, this is normal but it is ok to love your friend as friends only perhaps these feeling of love are because you care for her and would hate anything to happen to her. You need to resolve this by talking to her and plan how you will put it before you go to either girls incase it causes more of a drift. I love all my friends but as friends only and I always remember how much friendship means to me so I bare in mind, I would not want to risk losing it in anyway. In the end ho you handle this is your decisison. I wish you the best of luck!
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hi Anon,
There is really not much you can do about this, I mean your best friend is taken after all, so it's really her decision. You have put her in an awkward position and I can see how it has put a strain on your relationship with her. On one hand she obviously cares about you, but on the other she probably doesn't want to upset her girlfriend anymore than she already is.
If I were you, I would just leave her alone for a bit so she can sort out her feelings. The last thing you want to do is talk her into being with you, because if this happens then it could lead to a bunch of bad situations:
- She might end up resenting you b/c she was "forced" out of a relationship that was working
- Since she's obviously cheating on this other girl, she might cheat on you with her still b/c she wasn't given time to figure out what she really wants
- You might actually doubt the relationship because she didn't choose you alone, but only after you convinced her to; it could make you insecure about the relationship
She knows how you feel about her. Just let her have some time to decide what she wants. If she chooses to stay with her girlfriend, then maybe you should distance yourself so you can try to get over her. I know that will be a heartbreaking experience, but it will be good for you in the long run, don't you think?
Situations like this are really awful to go through, I know. But try to stay positive about everything, okay? You did what your heart told you to do and now you just have to wait and see what happens. Just remember, if she stays with her girlfriend it's not the end of the world! At least you knew before getting into a serious relationship with her that she was not ready. And who is to say that things end there? You guys might end up together in the future at some point, you know?
Take care.
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