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male
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anonymous
writes: A few questions here...tried to make it as short as possible. I'm a 19 year old male in college. I remember all throughout high school questioning my sexuality. Early on I thought I was gay because I only liked guys. By graduation, though, I noticed the girls were much more mature and intelligent--qualities that I now know are attractive to me.When I got to college I wanted to "test" my sexuality to see if I really was bisexual, or gay, or straight. Bad idea!! A few months ago, I was going through a period of loneliness and found a man on the Internet. That same night I had sex with him.Since then I've had immense anxiety about my stupidity for neglecting my physical and emotional health as well as guilt and shame. I feel terrible and I regret it with all my heart. The regret has been at the front of my mind every single day.I hated every bit of the sex. I realized that maybe I am actually straight. In college, I've had more crushes on women, and I can see myself in love with one someday. On the other hand, I still feel some physical attraction to guys who I think are handsome, but I can never see myself in an actual relationship with one. It's very confusing. Could I be a "late bloomer" who has finally figured out his sexuality?Second thing. When I get a girlfriend I dread the day that I have to tell her about this, to tell her if I'm a virgin or not. Am I a virgin for experimenting sexually? How would I tell this to her? By the technical definition, I am still a virgin because I've never had vaginal intercourse. On the other hand, I'm not sure if I can consider myself "pure" anymore. For girls: if you truly loved your boyfriend and he said he experimented sexually in his past, could you look past it, or would it repulse you?Thank you!!!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 Id always aim for honesty cause i suspect if you weren't it would nag away at you from the inside. By definition experiements don't always produce pleaseing results, at least you had the bottle to experiment in that sense where as allot wouldn't. I think psychologically you need to stop tortuirng yourself over this before you can move on and form a healthy relationship.
If you cannot accept it it will be harder for a partner too. I would hope in this era that girls would be able to look beyond this. Some might even see it as a plus in that you are willing to be experimental.
On the question of your virginity i think the best way to deal with these things is to stick with the technical definition. Although i would urge you to be open about this if you lose the virgin tag you are going to face much quicker questioning about your experience and will either have to tell the truth or fabricate an experience which don't have, something that would become apparent in the bedroom.
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