A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've had an on and off again relationship with a co-worker for over a year now. Initially he was a bit over the top over how attractive I was, smart,etc. Then a few months later he was making comments, like 'if you were a ten you'd be used to people doing things for you' and mentioned his ex-wife in the context of 'Yeah I USED to have an ultra fit bird' during a 'romantic dinner' with me!I felt really hurt by these comments because his ex is beautiful and I feel quite unattractive by comparison. I subsequently found out he was having an affair when the other woman sat down at a restaurant and said she was seeing him, ie during another 'romantic dinner' between the two of us. He begged me for forgiveness, dropped her, swore he'd never do it again. To my knowledge he hasn't. But the comments about my looks are all over th place. I've been told i'm a 7 maybe and 8 out of ten. Ok I dragged it out of him..Because he's made allusions to my appearance as though they weren't enough for him, like 'oh I don't want women like THAT anymore' when I stumbled across a pic of his drop dead gorgeous ex wife. The implication was pretty clear in my mind. I've become so insecure that I've already had plastic surgery and am going to have more in a few months...Its nuts how much I feel this has effected my self- esteem. Its bad a I know...I've dumped him a few times but he keeps begging me to come back and promising its going to be different. But since our last break up/get back toether again period I just feel very cold towards him now. Maybe my self- esteem is bouncing back again.When out of a casual drink week ago..I see some stunning girl walk by and say, oh I really like her hair. Innocent enough? He says 'well, if you were a 10 you'd have hair like that too'. This is a few days after him saying I'm already beautiful and don't need more surgery and getting angry with me for wanting to have a nose job?!? Confused yet? So am I? I've told him to piss off this weekend again...I know I have to end it...I know now there isn't a choice. But any thoughts?His comments are so contradictary. Its beginning to feel like a bit of game for him. You're very attractive, you're not even an 8, dont' have surgery, you're not a ten. I'm happy with you for who you are, I don't want women like THAT anymore, ie really good looking women.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): Hii think this guy has stumbled on the perfect goodlooking girl he can minipulate to feel better!He has obviously been hurt and thinks it is all about looks! Maybe the persons he has been with in the past have influenced his minset some what1 A lot of people today just dont have ny guidance and the sense of having no one to answer to so they treat others thoughtlessly without remorse!Get your self-esteem back and look after yourself cos NO ONE ELSE WILL!His problem is that he is insecure about losing someone he views as above or in his league but the fact is , if he as truly happy in his self he would not be acting this way with you !Maybe the other girls in the past have had the emotional security within them selves to tell him to shove his childish comments up his A**! U C ! He kisses their backides then doesnt he which gives them even more of a pedistal of power over him! So he is in turn getting away with the bad traits and actions that he is doing to you because you are LETTING him do it!You really need to realise that you have to build up your self esteem and dont make excuses and give out all your love / kindness to people who are just sucking up your energies! Fire people like that off !
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 July 2008):
Dump him, he's not going to change. He's had his chance and obviously has not respect for you or your feelings. It sounds like he has very little respect for women in general.
Don't have more surgery. Its expensive, dangerous and not needed. If it goes wrong or you catch an infection you'll be scared for life.
When you meet a decent man you'll feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I know I do when I'm with my man and I'm hardly model material.
Good Luck!! xx
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