A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit of a strange situation, but bear with me.I am a big Meat Loaf fan, and together with other FB Mad about Meat Loaf group members, we set up a fund to get one of the members, who has ME, down to London from Hull to see the Bat Out of Hell musical. The young lady in question and I have been talking for a long while, and it was the first time I met her, when she came down to see it on Thursday. Over the time we have been talking (about a couple of years) I have built up a picture of her, and when I met her, she lived up to that mental image.As I got to know her, I started to get romantic feelings for her (only in the past few months.) And these got cemented when we finally met. The question is I don't want to ruin our friendship by telling her I like her (and there's the fact that, even though, as she put it 'we have conversed back and forth for a while now', we have only met once.)Being around her on Thursday I felt totally comfortable, not nervous at all, and that doesn't normally happen to me!Two big things, when I say young lady, she is 19 next month and I am 38 (although I get told I look like I am in my mid to late 20's.)Also, she lives in Hull, and I'm in Kent.Any advice please? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 August 2017):
 I think that's wise. She was still a minor when you talked for two years and that's what got you here. It's best to stick within 10 years of you, if you want a family and such. Some make bigger gaps work, but it's not appropriate when the younger partner is under 25, in my opinion.
I think it would be good to distance yourself and move on. Go on dates with women closer to your age who are in a similar stage of life to you. Heck, speed dating might be a good way to see who's out there more local to you!
Good luck, OP. Remember to keep boundaries with young adults.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I do see your point, I did think about that, i am aware of her age and, obviously, it could be viewed as inappropriate, and if she was still a minor, it goes without saying, I wouldn't go there.
I didn't mean to fall for her, it just happened.
There are a lots of things against us, so I don't think I'll go there.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (16 August 2017):
OP, why do you feel going after someone so young is appropriate? She is 18 years old. Only just an adult. You've been conversing since she was a minor. I'd be wary of a grown man being interested in my teenage daughter - I hope my daughter would have enough sense to steer clear of him.Regardless of your intentions, it would be an incredibly uneven, unhealthy relationship between a 19 year old has no adult life experience and a near-40 year old has 20 years worth.Please, OP. It's a bad idea to ask her out. I think you should distance yourself. She's not old enough to be with someone a decade older, let alone two decades.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 August 2017):
 Not necessarily. Don't just ask out of the blue. Talk about something like a movie or a song than ease the conversation into it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoesn't that hint to her that I like her?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw them both because her friend came with her
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 August 2017):
On Thursday you saw her or did you see her friend as well?
How about "are you seeing anyone or do you like anyone in school?"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think she has a boyfriend, as I did subtly suggest a date a while ago and she said (her friend came down with her as well) 'well, my friend will be there as well so it won't be just us' which probably doesn't mean anything.
How can I ask her about her love life in a subtle way?
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 August 2017):
First of all, if you have been conversing for 2 years, you should have an idea of whether she has feelings for you too, whether she is single, and things like where her head is, what her goals are in life, etc. Feelings have to be mutual if anything is to be developed. I've been a 19 year old and I was clueless about life. I didn't know where to live, who's my type and what I was going to do in life. I would have a hard time figuring why a man in mid 30's would want a relationship with me although an intimate encounter is possible. You would have to take care of me until I know what to do in life. I know that not all 19 year olds are the same. She could be very ambitious.
Here's a test. If you find some other woman and date but still keep in contact with the young girl, would you ease back in the conversation and focus on your woman, or would you secretly wonder what that young girl would be like in real life? If the answer is that you can't keep your mind off of the young girl, then you should either take the risk and tell her your feelings, or you keep it inside and just continue to look around for someone closer in distance and in age. Then forget about her because as long as this friendship continues, it's hard for you to devote your energies into a new relationship. I had to look up distance between Kent and Hull. If she's a college girl, you would probably feel very insecure that you are competing with a lot of college young guys that she sees regularly.
Before you tell her anything, just ask if she's dating and how her love life is. Chances are you don't have to admit anything at all.
...............................
|
