A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I made a deal with my husband before we got married in 2011.Back then I was young and immature.We considered each other soul mates. We both liked the care free lifestyle. Like playing video games, travelling and partying. We work in the gaming industry, he is a computer programmer while I am a concept artist.I really did not want children. He too did not.But I have since grown up. I feel myself longing for kids now.How do I convince him to have kids? I am sure he will think that I was dishonest with him. I really did not want children but now I have changed. I never lied to him.Should I bring up this topic now?Or should I wait a few years? Maybe he will grow up in a few years. Just like I did. He is 33 by the way. At the moment he is 100% sure he doesn't want kids.I am sure most people would want to have children some day right? Why wouldn't they.
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immature, soul mates, soulmate, video games, want children Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2016): You could say to him "darling Ive had this wonderful concept...Lets create and animate some kiddies."
"You mean children the real sort."
"Hold on I'll sketch them for you.."
"Mmm...Bigzi,mizi,and ditzy...could catch on I guess?"
"But we cant buy them ,or out source them, or abandon them when the projects over..but they do get to say their own words."
"ok ..lets get busy,now."
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 Not all people want children, and not all change their mind about it like you did. I think you should talk to him and tell him you have changed your mind.
But I would advice you to think this through carefully. When you only now have begun to want children, I wonder if you are fully prepared. Just wanting a child does not mean you will actually be happy with having a child. There's a lot of work, and it will probably have an impact on your career. Maybe ending your career. It's different for women than for men, because society expects the woman to give up everything and be at home with the child. Don't expect that your husband will participate much, especially if he agrees to have a child just for your sake. You'll be a slave to the home for several years if you have a child. Might lose contact with friends, not have work, and it might not be the right choice for you. Even if you feel a longing.
So my suggestion is that you adopt a pet first and see how it goes, maybe a puppy or babysit a child if you know anyone who has children. Just to see what it entails and how you and your husband will cooperate.
If you can afford a nanny then you might have an easier time with it, could possibly go back to work sooner, and not be so tired because a nanny will help out. Or if there's a grandparent that can take care of the child while you are at work. Think about how it would work on a day to day basis, then talk to your husband about it.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 I'd broach the subject now while it's on your mind. Be honest, I really would like to have children and would like it to be with you as my soulmate.
As a man myself, I have said no to children. I was immature at the time and a big kid at heart. I didn't think I would make a good father.
He may feel the same. It's also about whether as others have said, are you financially stable?
I disagree just trying to get pregnant, what would you do if he rejects the child you're carrying. Can you raise it on your own?
You may find he too has grown to want them, as he's now older. If he hasn't don't force them onto him. It may be worth considering ending the relationship if you are on opposite sides and want them that badly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2016): Tell him exactly what you said on her, people can change their minds so I don't think he would think you were being deceitful as you don't come across that way.
There is no harm in bringing the subject up, if you do keep this quiet then you may regret never saying anything.
My partner is nearly 40 and when he was young he had it set in his mind that he never wanted children. But now he's older he has changed his mind, he loves all his nieces and nephews and regrets maybe not having children by now.
The age that you are it will start becoming more difficult to get pregnant so I would talk to him about this and see what he says.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (6 February 2016):
 As a fellow former believer that I'd never, ever want children, I can sympathize with you. As I've gotten older and achieved some of my life goals and found a more generally stable footing in life, love, and finances, my views on this subject have slowly changed from "never, ever" to "maybe one day" to "yes, within a few years."
I am fortunate in that I didn't marry anyone while in "never, ever" mode and that my now-fiancé has been open to the idea all along. But I can very much imagine how it might feel if this were not the case. With that said, in your shoes I would do the following:
I think you need to tell your husband exactly what you've posted here. After years of marriage, you almost certainly know him well enough to gauge from his reaction whether parenthood is ever in the cards for him. Just because "most people" might want to have children someday doesn't mean that your husband will, and it's important to realize that he's not wrong if he continues not to want them - he's been up front about that from the beginning. He just might be the wrong man for YOU.
If he's open to the possibility of fatherhood, great! Problem solved. But if he's adamant that he will NEVER want children with you, it's then up to you to decide how important it is to you to become a mother someday. At 30-35 timing is starting to be important for you. So if he's still on the "no kids, ever" page, you'll have to give some serious thought to whether never having kids is something you could accept in order to stay happily married *to him*, or whether it's ultimately a deal-breaker for you and you'd rather set each other free and try again to find someone with more compatible views. And you'll have to decide, and act, accordingly.
I would *not* suggest that you try to get pregnant without your husband's knowledge or consent. In addition to being a huge breach of trust in a relationship, it also sets you up for the possibility of co-parenting a child with a resentful (or even absent) father, which is neither fair to the poor child nor in his/her true best interests.
I hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 February 2016):
 I think there are more men like Denizen than men who absolutely don't want children, and sometimes that has nothing to do with maturity but a determined lifestyle. There are women who don't want children either. Some even have a more adverse attitude. Like they can't stand seeing children. They don't know how to behave around them, or would avoid them. You know him better than we do. How about you babysit your nieces or nephews or a weekend and see if he has a fatherly side to him. Then maybe you can imply that having babies could be a good thing. I think it helps your marriage better if you are happy with or without children, so it wouldn't sound like you are springing it on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2016): You need to talk to your husband ASAP & do not get yourself pregnant on purpose- this would show complete lack of respect to your husband!
He may change his mind but then again may not- you need to talk to him to find out & I suggest you do it soon....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2016): I made it clear I was jid free. I am good with kids ds but really I don't want the responsibility and lack of freedom. my now EX wife got pregnant on purpose, forcing me to be legally responsible. I would NEVER tell my child but I resent the life change. I pay child support and visit on weekends. But i hate that she decided FOR me. Be honest and be prepared for him to resent the bait and switch. Had she told me I would have divorced her.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 February 2016):
 A lot depends on your financial situation. Are you both secure? My ex' sprung it on me and I didn't object. Although we have been apart for some years my children are the best part of our time together. I originally didn't want children but they changed my life.
I probably shouldn't be telling you to get pregnant, but if you want children I don't think you should wait. This may not be the best PC advice but it comes from the heart.
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