A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my bf for 4 yrs this month. he has always believed, and told me, that he knows i am the one for him. but for the past year, i have been having doubts about him and our relationship. i told him this and we have broken up a couple times but only for two days at a time. my problem is that i think i have feelings for my ex from hs. im not in contact with him. but i can't stop thinking about him. i dont know how im supposed to know if my bf is the one for me. if i have stayed with him for the past yr trying to figure it out is it time to move on? would it be easier for me to figure this out on my own? please help, im very confused as to what to do about this. it is tearing me, and my relationship, apart.
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female
reader, floraltemptaions  +, writes (5 June 2007):
It's possible that the things you are thinking about your ex boyfriend, and what makes him attractive to you, are things that are lacking in your relationship with your current boyfriend. The thing you have to remember is that no matter what, no relationship is going to be perfect and you will have to work at it constantly. I had a similar feeling right before my fiancee asked me to marry him. My fiancee is a bit of a workaholic, and it was rubbing off on me, as I felt guilty sitting at home doing nothing when he was out working so hard. On the other hand, my ex was kind of lazy, he just went to work, came home, and smoked pot... always had time for whatever I wanted to do. So... needless to say... I found myself thinking about the ex and the life I could have had with him.... but then I reminded myself why he was an EX.... and why it was that I loved my fiancee sooooo much.... and made the decision to marry him, and love him. You have to make that decision to love someone, and be faithful to them. It won't always be easy, but in the end, you'll be much happier.
Hope this helps...
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Yes, you should break up with your boyfriend. Let him find someone who's ready to love him. If you aren't in contact with your ex boyfriend, you've answered your question. If you're not going to ever see him again, why give up the great thing that you have? You're also making the HUGE assumption that if you ever see your ex, he's going to take you back. People change greatly after high school. It would be incredibly selfish for you to walk into his life again after a while and assume you still have a spot in his heart/life. Maybe you do, and I'm wrong. Try talking to your ex, and see where he's at in your life. If your ex still wants you, break up with your boyfriend. You've already wasted 4 years of your boyfriend's time and attention, 4 years which he's going to have to undo and make up for with someone else. You've been incredibly selfish in your approach. It should be obvious that if you love someone else, you don't stay in a relationship.
DV1
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