A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for about 7 months. He's great and I love him a lot. Problem is his job. He quit his last job because of stress, which I can understand. But his new job has him with a crazy schedule and leaves us absolutely no time for each other and I never see him online anymore. He works 4 days on the job then is off for 2 days, also alternating days then nights. So he will work 4 nights then is off 2 days then goes to work for 4 days, and this repeats. He's trying to save up money to buy a house, but I feel like he's kinda pushed me aside, like I'm just an afterthought. I want to ask him if I'm part of this future he's building up for but I'm so scared that he won't give me an answer or that I won't like the answer. I've been through a really rough relationship with my last boyfriend and really don't think I can handle losing someone I've become so close to. I want to ask him to find another job, but I don't know if I have the right to ask him that. I need some advise on what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention that I haven't seen him in 4 days. Or the fact that his job is dangerous, he nearly got his finger chopped his off one day. We are both interested in a job that we can easily do as a couple (Real Estate). Dunno if he wants to do this with me later on when he has his own place or if he wants to do this now. He mentioned he wants to me live with him someday, too. Just wish I knew how this was all gonna work out. His job is stressing me out as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Just a thought but maybe he needs to look in to ways of managing his stress? This is the way to deal with things rather an either enduring the job or finding yet another job. Any job can be overwhelmingly stressful and damaging to you health if you are not able to separate your work and recreational time.
If you approach him as a concerned girlfriend then I'm guessing he would appreciate that you care. Stress is affecting you but it is affecting him more so I would say he would welcome some suggestions and your support.
I think you need to address things with him such as properly relaxing and disconnecting from work mode when he is not in work. Also diet and exercise are important. I see so many couples where one or both of them are either workaholics or can't manage their work stress - it's such a shame, people should work to live, rather than live to work, I'm sure you'll agree. Hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (29 March 2007):
 You can't tell him to do it but if you suggest it in the right way you might be able to get him thinking. However, you need to be sure that the reason you're doing it is because you're worried about him, not you or your relationship. Next time he tells you he's so tired or stressed out or whatever ask him if he's thought of looking for something else where he wouldn't be so stressed out because you're worried about him but ultimately respect his choices.
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): If he is working this hard to buy a house then it is obviously important to him and I would not interfere. I would certainly not dream of telling a partner to change his job after only knowing him a few months! I would think hard about it if I was married to him as well.
You must get yourself out of this insecurity that you feel, because you could undermine your relationship if you ask him to do things to somehow prove how much he cares about you. Show him you care about him by giving him praise for his hard work. There is nothing wrong with saying you wish you could see him a little more and can he think of any way this may be possible.
If you start telling him how he should be looking after himself he will think you are trying to be his mother, it is very off-putting when someone seems to be telling you that they know better than you do about your own life. Don't fall into that trap. Good luck an I hope you end up living in the house together!
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