A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI Im wondering if i with the right person.Im with her a few years and we plan on getting married.Every day I have moments that i think she is not for me and other times im happy.I think im 65 to 70% happy with her.Is this enough to spend your life with someone?.I almost love her like a sister is this enough?.we have sex ounce a week and I do sometimes want to be with other women.Im very confused we are together nearly six years.we live together and we get on fine but it can be boaring.Am i with the right person? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 If, after 6 years, you are not "certain" if this girl is "the one" for you.... then she is NOT (the one for you) and you will be doing her (and YOU!) a giant favor by breaking up with her.... so that she can find a decisive man who will share life with her...
Good luck... (to both of you!)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2012):
 what are you thinking that marriage is?
it's day to day living...
we are together two years and we are like an old married couple... having been married before I can see this.
we don't have sex often... once a week is a good amount of time for a long term couple... especially if you live together...
there are times i think I could do better
there are times we fight BADLY
he's far from perfect but so am I.
to be honest, day to day life long term... is boring and it should be.
do you share any hobbies? we like to play board games and we do it frequently (almost nightly)
what are you expecting out of life long term? do you think you have sex daily? do you think it's not about paying the bills and grocery shopping and raising kids (which btw if you add kids to the mix sex goes down and boredom goes up)
so maybe she's NOT the right one for you
or maybe your expectations of what married life is about is skewed.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (15 August 2012):
 If you are content with "settling", then yes, this is enough. I have never been married, primarily because I never allowed myself to settle for someone who was "good enough" or that I loved "enough". I believe in true love, and it wasn't until I met the man of my dreams, my "soul mate" if you will, that I felt 100% sure that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. There is no "maybe" or "what-ifs", and there is no other person in the world either of us want to be with. That is how I believe marriage should be. However, I realize that this is not always the case. People end up getting married because they've been together for X amount of time, they want to raise a family, or they simply feel like it's what is expected of them at that point of their lives. It sounds like you are in one of these situations... So now it's up to you to decide if you want to be "content" for the rest of your life (or until you realize you're not happy and end up getting a divorce or living an unfulfilled life). Some people are ok with being in your situation, with someone who makes them happy "enough". I'm just not one of those people- I don't believe in settling. Whatever you decide, I suggest you follow your heart and you can't go wrong.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 August 2012):
Why do you think she is not for you? Is there anything that could change your feelings about her? How does he feel about you? How long have you been engaged? When do you plan to have your wedding?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): No she's obviously not the one if you think of her as a sister! Especially if your thinking about other women you need to be straight with her and end things on good terms sounds like you need to be single and play the field a bit til you meet the right girl for you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): Loving her like a sister, is too much.
65-70% happy with her is not 100%, but its better than 25-30%.
Thoughts and desire to be with other women, wouldn't happen if you were with the perfectly right match for you.
So I would say no, she's not the perfect one for you.
However what is perfect? Nothing!
Still finding other members of the opposite sex attractive, is natural and there would be something wrong if you didn't.
You say you're not 100% happy with her the way things are, so change certain things about your lifestyles.
Most people end up settling for a person they may not consider 100% perfect for them, because there's no such thing as 100% perfect.
But they put in the extra effort to make it the best is can be because for the most part, they are happy together, and it does work.
A relationship would be far from correct if no effort was needed to keep it together.
If we all continued the pursuit for the perfect match, we'd miss what's on offer and we'd end up with nothing.
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A
female
reader, uroboros  +, writes (15 August 2012):
no, she's not the one. if you're not 100% happy with her don't get married. shame you've wasted 6 years of her life pretending she is the one.
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