A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am very fond of my boyfriend and care for him a lot. We have been living together 3 yrs and my feelings for him have always been the same. I have been on my own for most of my adult life and am ok being single. I am a loner and enjoy my own space. I am in the process of buying my own apartment with the view to renting it out (Im living in his) but for a long time I've been thinking of moving in there myself and leaving my boyfriend. But Im not sure if I should or shouldn´t. We get on well and everything is ok most of the time. So as I think this probably is as good as it gets. Don´t really know what to do. Help! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (12 May 2007):
 Being fond of your boyfriend and being in love with your boyfriend are not the same. I think your fond of your friend and having "benefits" as well since you two live together. You almost "sound" as if you want something more and I'm not sure what that is - whether it's to be single again or get the romance/love back that maybe you both once had. What I will say, if you know that deep down inside you love him, then it takes both of you to bring that spark back into each other, which means you two need to talk and work on it. And by leaving, that says to me, you don't really want to work on us. AND 100% of the time, if you do split to "work on yourself", you won't return. And I think you even know it. I think people use the words...take some time apart/need my space...because they don't really want to be honest with themselves to start with and it's convenient way to get out. Most importantly, is just being honest with yourself and not to lead someone on if you really find no future with them. They actually may want to get married one day and this may be time that they could have been with someone who did. I will add this last bit, I am 40, and I live by myself. I don't want to live alone, but I don't want to settle for just anyone to live with/marry either. The "next" man in my life will be because I am totally in love with him and we both want to marry. I have been on my own most of my adult life (I did marry but divorced) and I do enjoy/love my own freedom. I do hope you will find your answer within your heart. Best of Luck and Take Care.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 May 2007):
 Sometimes when we're with someone things become "comfortable" and I think this is what's happening with you. You like your boyfriend and you're fond of him but you're maybe not in love with him. You may feel things have become a bit stagnant and feel you need a bit of space. You may want some time out to yourself to do other things or just some privacy or "thinking" time. If this is the case then I say go for it! You've obviously been thinking about it for a while. Maybe doing this will help you decide how you really feel about him. Although you both "get on" you're looking for more than that and you're right, with that special someone there should be that chemistry, that feeling that no one else matters except you and them. They should be the most important person in your life.
There's obviously something about your relationship that you're not too happy with and spending time apart for a while will give you that free time to sort things out in your head so I say go for it. You don't need to break up with him if you don't want to but he should respect how you feel to let you decide.
Eve
...............................
|
