A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this girl for four months now and the relationship is beginning to do my head in. She refuses to give me any space at all!The lack of space has especially become a problem in the last month or so -- she's been pretty much wanting me to spend all afternoon, every afternoon on the phone to her if I'm not seeing her, and she gets angry if I'm out of contact [ie. no texts or calls] for any more than about 4 hours. Also, if I want to see my friends or even my parents.She got angry that I spent time in the hospital with my really sick step-grandfather, saying that if I had time to do that, I had time to spend with her! She said I was spending "too much time" with him... I don't get what "too much time" is when the poor old guy doesn't have much of it left!All this possessive neediness started to make me ill. I suffer from pretty bad depression on and off and when I'm on a downswing I need lots of time alone anyways. I tried to explain this to her while tactfully not mentioning that her clinginess was partly causing my low mood, figuring that if I could just get some breathing space I'd start to feel better and maybe be able to re-evaluate the relationship.After I explained, she just got clingier -- I absolutely DREAD her "when am I going to see you?" (complete with whiny voice) every five minutes and the agonised texts and e-mails guilt tripping me just because I want a few days to myself to work on my low mood!Today we had this big giant argument on the phone because I just wanted to stay in the house, and I got angry and told her how much her needy behaviour has been affecting me. I then told her I'd call her when my depression got better and hung up on her. Not nice and I feel guilty about it, but I was angry :-(I'm considering just not calling her again but I'd feel like such a creep for doing that. Any other suggestions on how I can bow out of this gracefully? I don't want to be that horrible person who never calls back or breaks it off by e-mail/text, but is it acceptable in a situation like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Lawd! Being an older woman, widowed eight years now, I don't think I could stand being in a relationship where the guy didn't understand my (and his own!) need to have alone time and independence!Flower Girl's idea of calling in a few days and telling her you are not ready to be in a relationship is a good one.Its not as if you haven't already told this friend how you feel, after all.I know you feel badly about hanging up on her, but I have to say she has brought this whole thing on herself!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Crappy. Little does the GF realize that her insecurities of you leaving her are about to come true as she has let her fears begin to rule over her brain and heart and has now become clingy, needy. Little does she know men can't stand this in women.
I say it's a case about you want your space and she is unware that men need their space and when they come back from having space, they are the same loving, attentive man they started dating. That you will be appreciative of how loving she is and how accepting she is.
I say buy her a book that should help her understand the whole man/woman dynamic. It's by John Gray Ph.D titled Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
I also suggest you get yourself a copy. This way you know how to avoid such unnecessary lapses in communication.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 July 2007):
 God i can see how this could do your head in, i think even though she has done your head in and she is extremly selfish, i don't think you should just not call her, maybe call her in a few days and just tell her you are not in the right frame of mind at the moment to be in a relationship.
Take care.xx.
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