A
male
age
41-50,
*reenside255
writes:My question is about my girlfriend with whom I have been for about 7 months. The story is that we met through a mutual friend - her best friend is a work colleague of mine and he invited me out. After a month or two it became apparent that we liked each other and I invited her to a festival for our first "date". We then went (two or three weeks later) to the theatre and it became after which we kissed for the first time. Over the next few weeks we went away for the weekend (her suggestion) and then spent the weekend at her house (she lives with her parents, though is over 30 years old), again at her invitation. One thing from the start is that we saw each other only on Saturdays because we both have long working hours and she was also preparing for an important exam, which she eventually had in December. The pattern was meeting on Saturday and some texting midweek. During the time she was preparing for her (full time from September onwards) she was worried that that I would leave her because of the little time we spent together and the fact that there was no sex (I was patient with both things). She sdaid that my patience would be rewarded, reminded me that there were only a few weeks remaining until the exam and then we would see each other more. When once she had to cancel meeting to study and I told her not to worry, she said "thanks, you are the best". She said as recently as the end of December that she was very grateful to me and that had I left her should have been in a bad way. I spent Christmas and New Year with her and her family. We planned a weekend away for this weekend (this had been mentioned and postponed for unavoidable reasons since November). But last weekend she postponed this again, saying she was not sure she wanted a romantic relationship any longer. She said she still wanted to go out with me "for another 2 or months" but feared I would not. I said I would. We say goodbye on good terms, she asked me not to hate her and I said I didn't. She promised to phone me this week and has not done so. She said this turn of events was because while preparing for her exam she had not thought much about our relationship since has done. Although not clear in her own mind, it appears she likes me, but not romantically or sexually. Given that so recently the opposite seemed to be the case (and we have had not fight), I found this curious. So my questions are: how should one interpret the situation generally? And should I call her to demonstrate interest or play it cool? When we have spent more time together it has been most enjoyable and so I am inclined to say that due to the lack of time our feelings have not been sustained at a high level but that there seems to be potential and we should make an effort to give ourselves a chance. I thought a weekend away would do just that.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 January 2009):
There is no way of figuring out what is in her head or what she wants right now... it literally could be a million things that has made her act this way.
So what you need to do is protect yourself.
Tell her that you really like her and think that the 2 of you could be amazing together, put your case forward for being together but then say that you understand that she has to want it too and that you will leave her alone to think.
Then back off and start the process of trying to get over her. If she gets back to you and wants to give it a go then great! If she just wants to be friends or she wants to split up then you will have be ready for it.
Good Luck!! xx
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