| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Although we have loved each other for a long time, my relationship of 11 and 1/2 years has had its up and downs. We have never married and do not have children. We have only recently been living together under one roof for the past 2 years. Within 3 weeks of moving in together, my partner purchased an apartment on his own, yet said that it is for both of us. We are both very career oriented people. Recently my partner has expressed a desire to have a child together after not wanting one for 10 years with me. There is a chance now that the alarm on my biological clock has gone off already. After all these years of feeling in limbo, I know in my heart that I need to make a change or as I go into my 40s things may never turnaround.I have recently met a lovely man who is divorced with 2 young girls living at home. He is the contractor making the renovations on the new apartment mentioned above. He is a friend of a friend.We get along and communicate so well, although we do not speak the same mother tongue. I have never been this head over heels before about someone. I feel so good with him.Although the situation is complicated, as this man is working for "my partner's/our" apartment, and we are viewed as clients and as a couple, should I express my sentiments to this man?I am not sure if can live with myself if I do not know his sentiments as well.Life is short, yet I do not want to be inappropriate. Please take note that I am an anglo-saxon expat living in a "latin" country, where men like to take the lead.Help!
View related questions:
divorce, living at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 If you do ever express your feeling for this contractor, wait til contract is over to keep things simple.
By having this feeling for somebody else, does this mean that you no longer in love with your existing partner?
Regardless if you get it on with the new guy, perhaps you should decide if you want to end it with your partner.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Dear Anon, Hmm, this is a complicated situation but Ill do my best to help. it seems to me that after eleven years, things in your relationship have stumbled abit and you're both drifting apart. Your partner seems to be indecisive. One minute buying an apartment on his own then wanting a child as if he imagines that having a child will bring you closer together again. If you still love your partner and you want a child and still think you can have one then you need to sit down with him and talk with him. The apartment I think was just an escape route for him. maybe he was panicking about the state of things between you but i think that you have to say to him that you need to know exactly where you stand. Is the apartemnt for him or both of you and does he want to continue in this relationship. Until you sort things out with him, don't even think of attempting anything with this other man. If after you've discussed things with your partner and he says he doesn't think the relationship is no longer working then you can talk with the other man. I know you want to know this other man's intentions but if you ask him or express your own then things may escalate and you will have a bigger problem on your hands. It sounds like he does like you but sort things out with your partner first before anyhting else. Communication here is important. Tell your partner how your're feeling and go from there. Hope this helps. Good luck okay!
...............................
|
