A
female
age
36-40,
*OVE213
writes: I am talking to this guy i really like, he is technically my first everything! (Besides when i was younger like 10-12 messing around with my older bro's friends going to third base (oral sex) ditching 1st). I am now 26. He is what i want to consider my first everything. Never dated anyone but him. He does not know that because like most men i tell they do not believe me. I met him in November, we didn't start talking till march. I told him i was a virgin and have done other stuff outside of vaginal sex (and anal of course). And! Of course I do not think he fully believes me. The problem is after our last "playful escapade" he labeled me a tease because I wouldn't let him see my breast (gosh i know I sound like a corn ball). I only took off my bra because he said he would give me a massage and then he didn't ( i was secretly using that as my gauge to play around, but once he didn't give me a massage I covered up out of anger) . I don't mind playing around but i just want to make sure this isn't casual first. However, now he says he doesn't like me sleeping over because I am being a tease, he will not even make-out with me because he said it doesn't make sense to, since, it will not go to the next level. What should I do to get past this. I am a very sexual person, I just want to take my time or have some type of title with him before things get serious. Hey, Call me old fashion.
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female
reader, LOVE213 +, writes (2 May 2010):
LOVE213 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess, Let me be more clear as far as why I say I am old fashion. Sex is something I am putting off for my husband. Furthermore, The stuff i did sexually was literally 14 years ago. Nothing has been done since then.
I do not believe I am truly giving him the signals in regards to having sex, but wanting to goof around, yes I am. His thing is if he gets erect, i have to find away to put it down. So he rather not do anything.
We have kissed 5 times (yes i am keeping track lol) He is the one who chooses not to "make out". He says its self control, but i see that as a form of pressure. Also let me be further clear what I mean by "playful escapades". He has told me his erogenous spots that get him hot and heated. So I kept provoking him in that area ( I do believe i deserved to be labeled a tease there). We have done nothing outside that, I haven't even seen him naked (nor as he seen me). Now, he could be saying he doesn't want me sleeping over out of respect for me but, I just feel thats some type of pressure for me to buckle.
Like I said, I believe I am a sexual person, because i have those very natural human desires, especially for someone i really like and I am attracted too. However this is all new territory to me. I understand that i am 26, and i can afford the make mistakes, but i am just trying to play it safe. We have only been talking seriously for 2 months even though we have known each other going on 6. I just really want a title, as my little insurance if this does not work out.
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (2 May 2010):
Your old fashioned?
I cannot make out what it is you want out of this guy? You must decide and the fact that you want to play up to a point is very confusing.
I am not sure why you should be suprised at his actions, you seem to have done everything else sex involves.
Try growing up
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 You may or may not like what Im about to say, but its my honest opinion.
You say you are old fashioned, yet you have done a lot barring vaginal sex? That is being somewhat of a tease to be honest. You are giving him signals that he is going to get lucky and then at the last minute, you pull away.
I am very old fashioned. I dated my boyfriend for almost 6 months before we had any type of intercourse, simply because my standards are high, and trust me there is nothing wrong with that. But if you are giving him signals that you are gonna sleep with him, then back out once he's got himself hot and bothered, thats not fair. He is probably really frustrated at the prospect of being teased all the time.
In the same token, I understand what you mean about making sure that he is the one. There is nothing worse than giving yourself to someone and then finding out that he thought of it as a fling. You feel rejected, pissed off to be honest and used most of all. I know, Ive been there before! Its a terrible feeling!
You need to decide whether or not this guy is someone that you want to date at a serious level, or not. If he is someone you feel strongly about and think that it could go much further, take a risk. You are 26, not 18. You can afford to take a risk or two now. On the other hand, if you think that this relationship will not work out, and its not gonna go anywhere, then fair enough, tell him, and call it a day.
Furthermore, have to spoken to him about how you feel? If you havent, you really should! You may be pleasantly surprised at his reaction. He may be one of those genuinely nice guys who understands where you are coming from and prepared to wait for you. If he's prepared to wait for you, then he's not gonna use you and throw you away, he wants a proper relationship. Just dont tease him!!
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