A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and got dumped right before this past xmas. I was with her for like 19 months and it was hard at first but I've moved on and am happy without her. I got into a relationship around new years and things became “serious” only a couple weeks into it. It's still early but she says she loves me and has never loved anyone else before. She's 18. I'll admit I said it back but I'm not in love with her yet. I do really care about her and she is what I wanted in so many ways but I still want to take it slow emotionally.Here's my issue. I've been feeling really insecure about her past lately. I've avoided asking about it but my mind over thinks and draws it's own conclusions. I think about things like how many guys she's been with, what they did and what not. She already told me she lost her virginity when she was 15 and that she wishes she saved her innocence. The only other thing I know is that she's never been in a relationship over a year and has been dumped 3 times. That's the extent she's mentioned and I've never asked for details. Sometimes she says things that make me think she wasn’t very sexual, but other times she says things that make me think otherwise. For example she said she hasn’t dated in a long time (she’s 18 so who knows) but I know she was seeing a guy when we first started talking. But see now I’m not sure if she was actually sleeping with him or what. There are so many things I could ask for clarification but that could make it worse.She is a VERY attractive girl and I've heard rumours that she was a whore but I don't take those too seriously because they're simply rumours. However it is possible and I worry. I had these issues with my ex as well. As soon as I start to care about the person, I get these insecurities. With my ex I made the mistake of asking details and what not and that only made it worse. You know? When you ask a question hoping for a certain answer, but usually don't get it? And my mind gets irrational by thinking really detailed thoughts. Sometimes I think of her with other men while we are having sex.. it's weird and not so fun.So I've been stressing with how to deal with this. I'm an attractive guy and the easy thing to do would be to leave her and just date for a while with nothing serious and that should build some confidence. But I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to have regrets about leaving her because of my own stupid problems.I don't know what else to do. For all I know she wasn't a whore at all and had a fairly simple sexual past. But the way she is in bed tells me otherwise. We had sex after about two weeks of becoming boyfriend/girlfriend and like I said, it could all be made easy by me simply asking, but when I did that with my ex it made it so much worse.
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confidence, her past, insecure, my ex, sexual past Reply to this Question
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 If you are "serious" about this girl, you'll build a foundation of friendship with her first, and develop that emotional connection. Get to know her (not her sexual past), treat her well.
Too many people jump head first into sex with people they hardly know. I feel that it ruins chances of a long-term relationship.
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