A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. I'm in my 20's and for a long time I was pining at the fact that no girl would ever want to go out with me and I would be alone. Well, surprise surprise, I actually have a girlfriend, we both were friends for a couple of months and she is interesting, we talk about anything and she's smart aswell.However we have only really been going out for a few days, yet I'm starting to think that it's not such a good idea going out with her. Although about a week ago we sort of had sex (I couldn't perform as I was tired and had one or 2 drinks) but I didn't feel regret about doing it as I cared about herI did get her a christmas card and asked her out for coffee today but when I was driving back from seeing her, part of me was telling me that I'm not interested in having a relationship with her. My friends and my family all said just date her and they know I had "sex" with her. So why am I feeling like this. Is it just that I have a problem (commitment issues, pychological disorder ec.) or is it just that it's not meant to be? I don't see her now until january as I am going away on holiday for 2 weeks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): No I don't think you have commitment issues or a psychological disorder because you went out with someone for a few days and then had or almost had sex with her....I think you are feeling you are not interested in a relationship with you for a very common reason, she gave in to sex early and you don't feel very special and you may not really trust her to be genuine with you and her feelings.....My recommendation is to tell her that you want to keep seeing her (if you do) but you are sorry that you had sex with her so soon, you got a bit carried away as she is so attractive, etc, but that you really want to get to know her better first before becoming intimate as you don't want to ruin a great start to something here....and then kick back, relax, go out and have some fun...Dating is supposed to be fun, you don't have to call the first girl you date your girlfriend, maybe date some other girls, too, and allow her to do the same.
Sex will come when you two are closer, and a bond has been formed at a deeper level, then you won't be so nervous...and if it doesn't happen that way, then she is probably not for you and vice versa.
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