A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:You know those moments when a problem you've been thinking about suddenly becomes clear to you? Well I've just had one of those. There are these 2 guys I've been seeing and they are both coincidentally overseas at the moment and due back at the same time in 2 weeks. Well I've just put together all the signs and realized they are both going to be wanting a more serious relationship when they get back, ie not the kind of thing you would have with 2 guys at the same time. I'm not sure what I should do. I think (I'm not completely sure) that I like things just the way they are now.The first guy I've been seeing for about 10 months. He lives in another city and when we see each other we have incredible sex from all the built up tension. We also share an intense connection and have helped each other through some tough times. I feel like I can be myself with him. I also suspect that part of our unique connection is caused by our lack of commitment - we choose with no pressure to visit each other and share ourselves wholly. So I fear that what we have might be altered by that "will you be my girlfriend" conversation. The second guy I've been seeing for 3 or 4 months. We've kissed a few times but because he hasn't always been reliable when it comes to calling and seeing me, I've thought he wasn't that interested. But now various details have clicked into place and I see that he does care. We have a lot of fun together and can laugh and joke around which I love, but I don't know him that well and he seems a little immature in some ways that I think would bother me in a relationship. He's also very good looking and I'm attracted to faces with a little more character in them, if you know what I mean. I'm not sure what to do. I like things as they are now, but I don't want to hurt anyone or string them along. I think I'm a bit scared of getting into something serious too. Just the idea of it makes me feel trapped. My last relationship was with someone very possessive and angry, so it was intense and very hard to get out of. That was close to 2 years ago and I am over all the issues from it, yet somehow the idea of getting into another relationship still scares me. I hope there's a way of getting over that feeling, because, despite feeling trapped by the idea, a part of me longs to be in a serious, loving relationship.I'm not sure exactly what my question is, but I'd love any comments on the trapped feeling or what I could do with these guys. Thanks! :)
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female
reader, girl from bristol  +, writes (2 February 2010):
hi i first think you should see what both guys say as you could be wrong but i think the first guy is the best guy if you have to choose you should choose as its not fair to string them both along like this
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