A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I Normal? I don't think so...I'm a 21 year old woman and have been with the same man for three years. Yet we've never had sex. Not that I want to; because I don't. I find both male and female bodies attractive; but the problem is that I don't like the idea of having actual sexual intercourse with a man. I can't explain it. I'm not scared of sex with women, but I am with men. Is there a way to get over this? I really do love my boyfriend, and if I ever told him this it would likely break his heart. I'm so torn between wanting a normal relationship with my man and wanting to never have sex with men.What should I do? What is the best way to approach this problem? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): I wonder if something bad happened to you when you were small?
I would definitely seek professional help. Not only will it help your relationship(s), but will also make you feel better.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2012): Sexual compatibility is one area that will make or break a relationship. If he desires sex, if you do not, and you have told him you do or will in the future you have lied to him. That is a serious breach of trust.
You two need to talk. Before you talk, you may want to explore some of the newer descriptions for gender and sexual orientation. There are people who identify as asexual, pansexual, and more. heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, or transexual are just mainstream well-known terms.
He deserves to know that he will have to make a tremendous sacrifice if he wants to remain with you. If you two can reach a compromise (opening up your relationship, or both sacrificing sexually) your relationship has a chance.
You need to communicate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2012): You can't hide it from him forever. Eventually he's going to want to be intimate with you and you are going to refuse him because of this phobia you have.You need to speak to a professional about this. Someone who is trained and gets paid to deal with these things.It may be you have some lesbian tendancies that you don't want to face up to, it may just be that you fear getting intimate because that means exposing yourself fully to someone who can hurt you not just emotionally but physically as well.I wouldn't be surprised if you grew up thinking men were just big, dumb animals only in it for sex whereas women were precious, sensitive do-gooders who were everything else. When in reality neither is true or false.Seriously... TALK to a professional and get to the bottom of this. Because you cannot go through life being afraid, and it would be unfair and cruel to ask someone to go through life ignoring their basic human desires simply because of your fears.Flynn 24
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