A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy a few months ago at a music event. He was the producer of the event, but I didn't know this until much later. I just saw him there and was immediately drawn to him. After the event was over I went up and introduced myself and had a chat with him. After that we parted ways and went back to our lives. After one month I decided to look him up and send a quick email. I explained who I was and that he may not remember me and such, but to my surprise not only did he remember me, he was interested as well!He asked for my number and so i gave it to him, and we began a texting relationship. It was then I found out that we live in different countries (neighbouring countries). Despite this we continued texting. He was hesitant at first because of the distance, but after some discussion and the fact that my job allows me to work from anywhere, we have both really fallen for each other and he has asked me to come and visit him. I told him that moving is something that is definitely something I would consider if things went in that direction. We have so much in common, it's unbelievable. I did question whether or not he is a guy that is only into the chase and if we do meet, if he would quickly lose interest. He said that if he just wanted sex he could find someone who lives where he does, and why would he go to so much trouble for a woman from another country.I've been burned before by a guy who just wanted sex and once he got it, he disappeared. And me and that guy lived next door to each other for a year. I guess I'm just scared I will get burned again, and I like this guy so much more than any other guy. We have been through very similar life situations, so we totally get each other.I don't know what to think....I have really fallen for this guy and I have made plans to visit him in 2 weeks...but I'm so scared to get hurt...
View related questions:
different countries, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): You are wise to listen to your gut-feeling.
He lives too far away to allow yourself to get burned. You can't uproot your life, and alter your professional plans on the "hope" that you've met someone who shares your feelings.
You need to get to know this guy first. You can start by just enjoying several visits. Give it a few months, before you even consider investing your emotions. Just keep it fun and enjoy what he offers you that is "tangible" and proof of his interest. Not words and promises. I mean something real.
Living countries apart, leaves too much space and time for other relationships to be formed in the midst of your introductory connection. Meaning, just like he met you, he will meet other women who find him just as fascinating.
Don't let your imagination run away with you. You're already planning what changes you would make, to accommodate being in a relationship.
This is based on a great online relationship? He pays you a few compliments and remembers when he met you?
Is that all?
My dear, he owes you a lot more than a few promises and nice words. Let him come to you, instead of you going to him. A man who cares for a woman, will make his way to her through hell and high-water.
Players let women make all the changes and sacrifices. They disappear to the first sign of drama. As you well, know.
You can go and visit. Just don't set yourself up with a lot of high expectations. Keep your romantic fantasies in check.
Your imagination will create this huge picture in your mind of a international romance; and you will do everything in your power to make that dream a reality. The danger will be, you'll be doing all the work. He'll sit by without saying a word, and blame you when your dream falls apart.
Allow him to make some moves that prove mutual attraction and interest. Let him show you that he means what he says in his well-worded e-mails or text messages. Let money come out of his own pocket, to show how much he is willing to spare no expense to share his presence and time with you.
Base your every move on his actions. Not his words. Be sure you're not being lead about by your own wishful thinking.
Don't repeat what "you did" that got you burned the last time. Keep both feet on the ground and don't expect a fairytale romance. keep it real and on an adult level.
A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (30 July 2013):
I think you should go. I think you will have a great adventure. But I also think you should NOt have SEX!
You need to make arrangements to stay somewhere on your own. Hotel? You need to set boundaries. You need to be honest with him and up front.
Why would you be telling a guy you text with that you would be willing and interested in moving to his country when all you have done is text? I think you should be realistic. Have an open mind about the direction this could head into.
I wish you good luck and I hope all goes well!
...............................
|
