A
female
age
30-35,
*WIWSE
writes:Hi there! I'm new here and I have a question about my best friend and my husband. I have been with my husband for over a year, and my best friend and he have known each other for about six months of that time. Over the course of their friendship I have noticed some suspicious things. They talk to each other a lot via Facebook messenger; when I brought it up with my husband a huge fight ensued and he ended up blocking her on Facebook. Well, I just found out yesterday that he unblocked her a few weeks ago and has been talking to her again! This led to another argument and also led to my husband deactivating his Facebook account. When I asked my best friend if she knew that he deactivated his account, she said, "He blocked me, I wouldn't know." Then I told her I knew that she had sent a message to him that morning (because he told me about it) and she got very nervous and claimed she didn't know the difference between being unfriended and blocked on Facebook. To me, this sounds very suspicious and it also makes me suspicious that neither one of them mentioned that they were talking again. Am I wrong for being suspicious and feeling like I can't trust either of them now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): She isn't your best friend. She isn't a friend at all.I would ignore her from now on like she no longer exists. Please do it. I mean cut her off. NO CONTACT. She is a real threat to your marriage. You do not need her interfering because she is only interested in nabbing your husband. She does not care about you or your marriage. TRUST ME. I KNOW.She still sent him a message knowing he blocked her. She was aggressively still trying to pursue him. To find a way in. Hoping he would respond. Unblock her. Anything. You surprised her and blindsided her by telling her you knew she sent that message and she was not prepared in advance with a lie. So she just claimed ignorance. Which is also a LIE. What a poor attempt too. Don't believe her.And you are going to have to insist that your husband has NO CONTACT with her now. Tell him it is HER or YOU. Yes, he needs the ultimatum. Stand firm. Do not waver. This is crucial. Make sure you watch him and see if he stays with this. Give him a chance to prove himself that this might have been a minor indiscretion as in lapse in judgment. Or perhaps not something as big as you thought. Although still a breach of trust.Now figure out what is missing in your marriage that has made him vulnerable to your so called "best friend". And try to fix it. Or there will be another woman to replace her.Spend more time together. Have more sex. Recapture the romance. Communicate. Build his ego. Do whatever you can on your end. He was seeking out her attention for a reason. Has he cheated before? Is he insecure? A womanizer? What drives him to this behaviour? Hopefully this was just a close call and things can be turned around. Because I believe you did nip it in the bud. You caught it early before it escalated.But still I would be very weary of him from now on. Your trust is broken and you are always going to be watching him. This is not good for your relationship.Maybe you both need some counselling?You must decide if you want to trust him from now on. If he is trustworthy and if you feel he will never do this again. If you feel he will betray you, best to cut your losses now rather than wait around like a sitting duck and live with mistrust. It will eat you alive.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 May 2015):
 It does sound iffy and I'd cut this "best friend" off at least for a while.
What I don't get is that your husband didn't "claim" nothing was going on, but he just blocked her and then deactivated the FB?
Have you talked to him (without making this a huge fight) WHY you are uncomfortable with them talk? Or simply ASKED him why he is taking to YOUR "best friend" over FB? I get that he could comment on some of her posts, or plan a surprise birthday for you over FB, but sit and chat? Why would he need to do that?
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