A
female
age
30-35,
*emy
writes:Ive been living with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, but now Im falling for another guy, and hes by best friend, I really dont know who to choose.My boyfriend and I have been on ok terms, but lately we have been doing ok. Thr thing Is he never takes me out to dinner, never wants to go anywhere nice, to a restaurant or even the beach. He always has the same routine of movie and dinner, and we have to be back before 11pm because he gets too tired. He never buys me flowers or anything as a just because l love you gift, and he doesnt appreciate me, he and l are high school sweethearts and l love him, but lve come to accept the fact that he lsnt the type to go out all all the time, and he likes to be indoors alot, so l told myself l was happy.A few months ago ln early December, my best friend messages me and we recconect, he ls having problems with his girlfriend as well and comes to me for advice. he and l havent talked ln over 2 years because his girlfriend made him stop talking to all of his friends boy and girl because she ls the really jealous type, but now since they are having problems he decided to get in touch with everyone again. As l was talking to him, he made me realize that lm not happy, with my relationship. l have accepted the fact that my boyfriend will never change, and he ls who he ls, but my best friend made me realize that lf he can do all of the things l want ln a man to his girlfriend, then that means my boyfriend can change. My best friend would buy his gf gifts and show up at her work with homemade food just to say l love you, hes really romantic, and his gf was very unappreciative, and she told him that theyre relationship needs to go on pause, so theyve stoped for a while.lve been talking on the phone with my best friend about everything and realizing that people can be romantic made me confront my boyfriend about lt, he doesnt appreciate me, or show that he loves me, and when we get intimate, he just wants to make out for 10 seconds and just do lt, he doesnt build up to lt, and lts only when hes in the mood. One day my best friend was gonna meet his girlfriend at her school because he hadnt seen her in over 2 weeks and she stood him up, finally replying to his messages saying, lm already home, and not even telling him after he waited 3 hours for herñ so he decided to call me and ask lf l wanted to hang out because he was so upset. so that day, we went on a date, and l really felt a connection with him again, he took me to tgi fridays, we drove around because l didnt wanna go home yet, and he took me to this gorgeous park, where l cried because l wished so badly that he was my boyfriend, and l ended up going home for the night, really missing him.The next day my bf and l got into a fight over something so stupid, and l asked my best friend lf we could hang out again, so l went over to his house and he was sad because he was going to decorate the christmas tree by himself because lts only him and his dad, and his dad works all day, so he and l decorated lt together and we talked for hours by the fireplace, and l cried desperatly wishing l was with my bf ln that scenario, but as l relaxed and let go, my best friend was stroking my hair and slowly kissing my forhead and l knew he was gonna kiss me and l wanted him to, so he finally leaned ln and we ended up making out for a little bit, and because of our relationship, neither of us made lt awkward and just talked about lt, what happened and why, and l was really happy he kissed me.the next few times l went to see him, we didnt intend to do anything except hang out but somehow we always ended up kissing and eventually that led to us having intimacy, and lt was completely different than when my boyfriend and l do lt, because my best friend was so loving and caring and l felt a connection with him, and we ended up turning into friends with benefits, no strings attached. Sadly as l felt closer to my best friend, l drifted apart from my boyfriend, l still love him but l would never tell him what me and my best friend are doing, or have been doing, because one day my best friends girlfriend called him up and decided to get back together, so now they arent really together but they arent not together, lts as lf theyre starting new, and l knew that him being with her again means that he and l are no longer anything, but even so, he would always hold my hands, and kiss my neck and we would get turned on but he would never kiss me because he said lf he does then since he ls back with his gf, he would be crossing the line of cheating. the problem ls l fell for him, and he knows lt, he does have feelings for me as well but lts not something hell ever tell me because he knows how lll react and ltll be a big problem, because we cant be together right now, even lf we both break lt off with our bf/gf we wont be together now.about my boyfriend though, yes l cheated on him, but l dont feel guilty, hes put me through so much that l just dont know what to think, but l told my bf, he needs to win me over because lm tired of being the one to start things ñ and have to fix them, but l dont let him hold my hand, or kiss me or touch me, because l want to start from the beginning, and to be honest, lm at the point where he ls beginning to gross me out, l dont like to hold hands and l really dont wanna kiss him. but one day my boyfriend tried to go down on me, and l always stopped him because l wasnt comfortable with lt, but hes tried 3 times and on the 3rd time l was so grossed out by lt, l just didnt know what to think or do. but one night, my best friend called me and we were talking, and l was going to tell him about how l got grossed out the 3rd time of my boyfriend trying to go down on me, but l told my best friend that he want down on me twice and.. my best friend cut me off sounding pissed because he said was this while we were 'together' and l said no, lt was after you got back with your gf, and he got really upset saying, l never touched my gf, because l wasnt sure lf we were going to officially get back together or not, and he said, l dont wanna even touch you anymore, and said he had to go and hung up. l freaked out, because l felt my body collapse and l tried calling him back but he never answerd, so l sent him a long text message explaining what happened and how l felt, explaining my bf only tried to but never did, and how l was ln love with him and l wasnt gonna tell him the truth that l wish hed pick me over his gf and l know he has feelings for meñ but he wont say lt because he and l know lf he does admit hes ln love with me, ltll be really bad, he and l say l love you to one another because were best friends, and l do love him, but l just hadnt planned on falling ln love with him, but now he wont return my messages and wont pick up when l call, hes completely lgnoring me, and the thing l dont want to happen ls he ends up getting intimate with his gf because he ls so mad at me, what should l do?l dont know what to do with my bf, l still care about him, but l cant stop thinking about my best friend, and l dont want to lose both my best friend and boyfriend.l know l cant change my boyfriend, but lts to the point where lt feels like he doesnt love me, he doesnt show he loves me and l dont feel loved, when we were going out, there was 3 times when he was talking way to friendly with other girlsñ and when l caught him and confronted him, he lied and tried to hide lt, but because l was so ln love with him, l overlooked lt, but he just doesnt give me what l want, but now lm giving him one last chanceñ until the end of our collrge semester, to change and show that he loves me more and appreciate me more, and l can see him slowly changing a bit, but hes been saying for over 3 years that he can change and he will but never hasñ since our relationship ls on the line now, should l stay and see lf he does change? or am l wasting my time with him? should l even give him the chance, because of what happened with my best friend? even lf my best friend and l dont get togetherñ l just want to see him with someone who can really make him happyñ not his gf now and he knows that he ls making a mistake but he loves her too much, even though he knows she will hurt him again, thats why he hadnt officially gotten back with her.
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best friend, christmas, flowers, friend with benefits, get back together, has a girlfriend, in the mood, jealous, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2014): He's not your best friend if you didn't speak to him for two years, no matter if his girlfriend was jealous or not if you were his best friend he would have talked to you. Sad but true.Sounds like she was right that she should be cautious of you. As for your boyfriend, just dump him. The trust has gone and I don't think you'll get it back so do yourself a favour and be rid of him, it's obviously not working and you can move on to something better, a relationship where you want your partner to go down on you and you're not grossed out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2014): Dump your boyfriend, as at the moment you and your best friend are not friends with benefits you're just both a pair of cheaters.
You sound like you're with your boyfriend just for the same of being with him and that you don't really know any different because you've been together since school.
If you're best friend wants to be with you then it should be when you are both single.
Don't drag it out, you love your best friend so simply tell your boyfriend that you have both changed too much. He's into home comforts and that's not you etc... It's not fair to do this any longer as you are moving on already, and not allowing him to move on for himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2014): You say you do not feel guilty for cheating because of what you went through yet you do not want to lose your boyfriend. I was under the impression you did not care for your "boyfriend."
Just dump your current boyfriend and find someone else. People do not change for things like this, at least not for this. You are a cheater, your best friend is a cheater (so it seems), your boyfriend is, as you say, not really a boyfriend, and your best friend's girlfriend is supposedly not really a girlfriend. Time to start fresh.
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