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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am confused! I have and always have had a higher sex drive than my husband. The problem is, lack of intimacy is causing my sex drive to dwindle! I am confused because I am 9 years older than my husband! I don't look my age and have never felt it until the last couple of years when my husband cheated on me. He cheated with someone half my age. He said it only happened one time and he was sorry! I have forgiven him but the pain has been hard to bear! I don't understand why if he can't take care of business @ home why he would feel like trying to be a mack! I want to trust him, but I feel something still isn't right! What should I do? I have 11 years invested in this man!
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cheated on me, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like I am in a lose, lose situation! Unless he decides to do what's right! why is it that you always hear about good men that end up with bad women, or good women that end up with bad men? Any thoughts? Are we all just living in a fantasy land or is it too much to ask for faithfulness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish I knew what to do! It should be that cut and, you would think, but it isn't! Not for me! No I don't want to be misused, I just want him to be completely faithful!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): I hate to suggest this but if marriage counseling didn't do anything and he is not willing to try to stop these conversations then it is a waste of eleven years BUT if you stay with him any longer will it be a waste of 15, 20, 30 years? That's risky! I agree with you completely those phone conversations are damaging and he knows he's hurting you how could he not? I think you should leave and well you could always give him a taste of his own medicine. What do you think he would do if he found out you cheated?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think @ some point in his life he must have been a womanizer! A mutual friend tried to fix us up about a year before we actually did . The reason I was'nt interested was, that's how I percieved him. A year later he was such a sweet-heart, I thought I must have mis-judged him. Now I'm not so sure. Outside of the cheating, he's a wonderful husband, for the most part! Since that indiscrestion, I have caught him having @ phone relationship with someone @ work ,after being forgiven for the first affair! The first one was alot of phone conversating also! He is always where he's suppose to be, unless it's inside of a couple of hours during the time that I'm still @ work! You might ask, is talking on the phone to another woman really that big of deal? YES!!! It is when I use to always say,baby, talk to me,whats wrong? I have asked him in everyway that I can imagine what the problem was. Is it me?, Am I doing something wrong?, Am I satisfying you? And many other ways! We went to marraige counciling two different times already! He swears that I am more than enough, All he wants, all he needs. He is happy, etc....... I have never cheated, never once!!! I carry myself in a way that any decent man would want his lady to, when he's not around! Men still come on to me on a regular basis. I have enough self control to say get lost, thanks for the comp., but, no thanks!!! I need that same respect from him! I always say, " I don't want someone that no one else wants, just someone that no one else can have! " I just want him to call my own! After 11 years, I think I deserve @ least thaat!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): It might not have been about sex maybe there was something going on like he didn't think you were interested in what was happening in his life. There is also a chance he just wanted someone different. When a guy sees that a younger woman is interested in them it makes them feel really good. Like "I could have her if I wanted her." Maybe he just took that too far. Are you sure this is the first time he has cheated? What reason did he give you for cheating?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I might get grilled for asking this but it might shed some light on his actions?
What was he like before he married you? Was he a womanizer. Did he have a lot of partners?
Or is it the opposite? Has he only had a few?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Sounds like a good question to him would be "Husband, I love you and want to stay with you, but I Need To Know the reason why you strayed - what were you looking for, and what did you find, that was missing or weakened in our relationship? I know you don't want to hurt me more than I am, but I NEED TO KNOW, so *please*, tell me what was going on. It will be nearly impossible to trust you again if I don't know what happened, and how we can both work to fix it."
I can guess that he was with another woman with a lesser drive than yours, someone who he didn't feel quite as much performance pressure or anxiety. That's just a guess, your husband (with much gentle reassurance that you really want to know, and won't take it the wrong way or reject him) can tell you the real reason(s).
Best of luck to both of you :-).
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