A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I am a typical girl who has always dated men who treated me badly. For some reason, I found jerks attractive. I recently met a man who seems nothing like the jerks I previously have met, he is mature, direct, kind, secure within himself, and honest. At first I was unsure if I was interested, I was upset he had no "edge". But after our first dinner date, I went home and thought, and decided I was interested in him. I am very independent and usually have not looked for anything serious.We went on another date, and he asked me if I could date someone who would not have sex for a while, he is careful about getting involved quickly with girls. I said ok, but I gave a weird vibe about it - I usually jump right in. That night we got hot and heavy, but we did not have sex. I left that night quickly, acting distant, and did not make other plans with him. I felt awkward that we had taken things so far, and did not know if we wanted the same things. However, on my way home I really felt badly, that maybe my distant behavior had pressured him into taking things farther with me than he wanted. So, I texted the next day asking if he had a break at work. He called, and I asked if he wanted to meet up in the next couple days. He said yes, but that he would call later to set up a time when he knew his plans. By 10:00 pm that night, I was extremely anxious. I wanted to tell him I was ok with waiting, that I was interested, and that I was sorry for not listening to him the other night. So, I called again, thinking I was breaking every dating rule, but I just felt like I had to tell him this, and if he couldnt be understanding then I shouldnt want to date him anyway. We talked, I said I was sorry, that I felt bad for the other night, and that I am sorry if I made him feel like I did not respect his opinions and that I was not listening to him, that maybe I had some bad habits of rushing into things, and the more I thought about what he said about waiting, the more I liked it. He said he was glad I called, that he knew we had different opinions but that was ok, and he was happy I was fine with waiting, and asked me to an event the next day. I said I'd let him know if I could go the next day. I decided I didn't want to go the next night, I had plans with friends and did not want to seem too eager to hang out with him. I texted him telling him I was not coming, but see him in a few days? He texted back saying yes, see me in a few. I feel like I may have acted very eager with that phone call to him, I am used to being in control, playing aloof games, so this is very abnormal for me. And he is such a normal guy, I don't want him to think I am nuts. I just feel lost dealing with this dating situation. I dont know if I should just drop it, or call him in a couple days if I dont hear from him. I do know that I really want to see him, and I would be happy to continue dating him, he is a great guy. I just dont know what to do to next, or if my behavior was really that crazy, or if I am overreacting about the whole thing!!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 Do you like being in control? You dated a lot of jerks you say. What did that give you?
Jerks play women, but they can be played themselves. If you are not looking for anything serious then dating non-serious men avoids complications. There are after all more forms of control. A dog is controlled through commands, a husband by a set of rules. A cat is controlled because you are much bigger and if you don't want it sitting on your lap, you don't have to. Same as a jerk, they might only call for sex when they feel like it, but if you don't feel like it, you don't have to answer.
This new guy might be harder to control. He might not wait around while you party with your friends because he wants more then just a chance at sex when he calls.
What is it that you really want at this point in your life. Why the sudden eagerness to call him but then turn down an invitation to spend time? Are you conflicted between a desire to "settle" down and at the same time remain your own person who controls who she dates and when?
The dating jerks game is totally different then the dating with a long-term goal game... okay that is a horrible sentence but I hope you get the meaning. It is not suprising you are doing it so messely.
Before you continue with playing games however try to ask yourself what game you want to play. Because calling him several times and then refusing a date because you don't want to be to eager is an excellent way to mess things up.
A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (26 July 2009):
you got something everygirl wants youve got a great guy..ask a few more questions and find out what makes him great.get to know him..if your looking only for sex...then so be it.. ..but if you looking for the mind/heart to ..give him a chance maybe he is that guy..the best do come along...this guy may be a keeper ,,if you only a roll in the hay.go for it..but who knows this may be the keeper..
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