A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner recently cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. she said it meant nothing and she was drunk, at first she denied it and when confronted with overwhelming evidence she still tried to lie about it. Yes the cheating hurt but so did the lying. I have agreed to carry on our relationship but i cannot work out how i am supposed to rebuild the trust?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): Rebuilding trust is a hard thing to do. It takes time and a lot of work for both people; more so for the person who did the cheating. The two of you need to sit down and really talk things out. Obviously something was wrong in the relationship for that night to occur. Once you reached the root of what caused this thing to happen, then you can work through the kinks and become a stronger couple. I know this is true because infidelity entered my marriage last year. I had a drunken one night stand with my best guy friend. The event was meaningless and without passion. My friend and I had always been strictly platonic so it's safe to say that nothing would have happened had we been sober. There was no way anybody would have ever found out about that night. My friend and I were in the clear, but I'm a Christian and the Spirit of God convicted me in such a way that I had no choice, but to come clean a week later.My husband no doubt was devastated, and I thought my marriage was over. Thankfully, he forgave me and wanted to give our marriage another chance. We went into counseling and started changing the way we did things. We started really talking to each other and I found out that the root of our problem was communication. Some time ago, my husband looked at me and told me that he trusts me 100%. He had always trusted me and knew that I was drunk and would never intentionally hurt him. I know that he felt this way because I came clean on my own and didn't try to cover my butt. I know this is long, but I thought it would help if you heard some feedback from a woman did the unthinkable, and had her marriage restored in more ways than one. God bless you.
A
female
reader, brokenheartinTX  +, writes (25 February 2007):
HI... I don't know if i should tell you this but.. I as well "cheated" on my bf... it was more or less rape in a since but the fact is I didnt tell anyone and i put myself in that position... I lied about it tooo... and now I regret not telling him in the first place.. but it would've been over never the less... I know I love him and I know i would never hurt him purposely, for a yr he was my whole world and now my world has fallen a part.. from a person who messed up and knows she did I would please ask you to give her a second chance... As I keep asking him to give me one but i know in the end it will never happen
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (25 February 2007):
ive been in your shoes, and i know it hurts like hell. its not usually the act of cheating that hurts most, most can forgive a drunken fumble. its the lies and deceit that do it.the fact that you had proof and she still lied suggests she maybe doesnt respect you as much as you think. personally id move on and find someone who respects me enough to stay faithfull. that doubt eats away at the back of your mind, everytime shes out you'll be asking yourself what shes doing and thats not healthy. tell her how much shes hurt you and tell her to leave.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 Hi Anon. Sorry to hear that you've been cheated on, it obviously does not make you feel good about yourself. This happened to me once but the lady told me about it herself and our relationship was slightly different so I did forgive her but I found it very hard to forget! Every time we had a fight the subject would come up and I never really committed to her after that as I was always afraid she might do it again. Anyway, the choice is yours, if you feel she'll never do it again, you can trust her 100% and you'll forgive and forget then maybe you can stay in the relationship. However rebuilding the trust is going to be difficult. First make sure you've gone through the anger process with her, vent all your negative emotions. Maybe take a 2 week time out for both of you to think hard about the "mistake". Then start slowly re-building the intimacy with her, share secrets and precious moments. It’s not going to be easy but if you both want the relationship to work then you'll try. Good luck & take care.
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