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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, I'm new on here and would greatly appreciate any advice on the situation I'm in. It might be a lengthy post, but I want to provide as much detial as possible, so I apologise in advance.It's the age old scenario of 'does a female friend want to be more'.I have been friends with a girl for the best part of 2 years, we're both in our 20's, and I've always thought she was very attractive, but she's always gone for the bigger, rougher looking guys, as opposed to the pretty boys, so I automatically ruled myself out as being anything more.We have gotten a lot closer over the last few months, there was however, prior to this, a long period when we didn't see each other out as much, as a lot of our mutual friends have moved away, and, although we are friends, we weren't well enough acquainted to spend time together without being in a group, or on a night out etc.I have always been bad at reading signals and flirting with the opposite sex, I never try to give anything away, but I felt that I was getting the right signals off her. She was always dancing with me, making eye contact and smiling, always making an effort to be out when I was etc. So one night when there were a few of us out I decided to say something. I told her that I really liked her, and had done for a while. She responded by saying that she never intended to give me the wrong impression, but she only considered me one of her best freinds now.I reassured her that this wasn't going to change how I behaved or treated her, we are still good freinds as we were before. I said that I appreciated her honesty, but I just wanted to know where I stood, for her to know how I felt, and that I would never bring this up again.Anyway, a couple weeks passed before I saw her again, and we had all arranged a night out together. Early on in the night she had told my sister, who happens to be ony of my closest friends as well, that although she intitally said no to me, she had been thinking and had changed her mind. Of course my sister told me this, and I was happy with this new development, but had been drinking heavily, so decided that night wasn't a suitable time to act upon it. There was another night planned a couple days later, so I was hoping for something to happen then.On this second night I approached her and thought I'd say something that would give her an opportunity to confess. I said that I was happy that things hadn't become awkward between us after I had told her how I felt, to which she responded that it was ok, as I was one of her best freinds, we then hugged, and carried on with the night. I was gutted of course, but again I had noticed an increase in eye contact and physical contact, and she always seemed to make an effort to be next to me when we were dancing.Now I am completely confused, has she changed her mind once again, or is she waiting for me to make another move? surely she must have known my sister was going to tell me what she said. I'm reluctant to talk about it as I said I wouldn't bring it up again, and I think our friendship would be seriously affected if I were to be rejected again. In fact, it feels as if we have become somewhat more reserved with each other already, and nothing has even happened since.I really, really don't know how to proceed. I don't want to try anything in case she has done another 180, and I make a fool of myself, but I don't want to miss out if I don't do anything. I'm getting very, very mixed signals, and the more time that passes, the less I want to do anything about it.We have a friends birthday night out tomorrow, and will be spending the day together saturday as my sister has an audition. There are only 4 of us going on saturday. Is there anything I should look out for or do on either of these occasions? Or just forget about it? Problem is I don't think she will say anything, and I think she's the type to expect me to act now, and I'm afraid.Please helpThanks.
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male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (8 April 2010):
Not easy my friend because as most of us males know when a female says -Yes it means No - and vice versa!I fear you may be reading to much into this and the risk may be you will lose a good friend. That said of course if and when she meets someone else the n you may lose her anyway.If it were me I think you need to sit down and spell it out? At least she has to say one way or the other and if it is negative then move on and distance yourself from her. I too at an advanced age have a similar dilema, in the end you have to go for broke!Sadky it is all to clear the way you feel and thathas or certainly will effect friendship in the longterm?Lets hear from the ladies and their take on this?
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